Week Two – 2021 Reset

I’m shocked. For real. I mean this is why I went back to Lori , but didn’t have enough belief in myself and my body that it would actually happen. Y’all. I lost 9 pounds last week.

N I N E P O U N D S !!

I did my best to follow plan. I did fairly well until Wednesday. On Tuesday night I had something weird, stressful happen – where a neighbor came over and basically had a mental episode on my doorstep where I needed to call the police. It was scary and I had residual anxiety the next day. So I ate a bunch of pizza rolls – why not stifle that anxiety with pizza rolls. Then I ate them again the next day too. If I think about it now, maybe I was trying to sabotage myself. Fear of success maybe? I was blown away when I arrived at my appointment and did my weigh in. I would have never have believed in myself enough to think it was possible.

Some things I noticed over this past week – I’m feeling less bloated and not overstuffed after eating. Sugar is still a daily battle and I’ve had a few slip ups there too, but I figure it’s week one and I still have a long way to go. It’s a struggle to say no to dessert every night, while my whole family chows down on ice cream – but I haven’t caved yet. I even swapped my pasta for zucchini last night while they had stuffed shells, I made zucchini roll ups instead. (Only having 2 shells of theirs).

I have my next check-in set up for this Friday. Fortunately Easter dinner isn’t a worry for me when it comes to overeating. I actually don’t like anything that gets served for dinner. I’m not a huge ham fan – so having a small portion is easy. I’m bringing a carrot dish to share, so I can focus on that. As far as dessert – I’ve gone this far taking a pass, what’s one more “no thanks”? I really want to hit my personal goal of being lean and healthy.

During my appointment my nutritionist had me set an actual weight goal-even though I really didn’t want to. I don’t want to get fixated on a number. Instead I really want to go with how I feel I look. I want to have visible arm muscles and trim off the arms that wave back at me. We agreed upon 180 as my goal weight. She asked if I thought it was attainable and I said yes, Back when I lost all my weight with Weight Watchers after having my first son – I got down to 160. I had no muscles to speak of and I struggled to stay that weight for weigh-ins. My body wanted to creep back up to 165-170 every time. I would really have to starve myself to make weight for lifetime. I don’t want to do that again. I have my annual physical in about 6 weeks and I’d love to roll in there at a healthier weight than I was last year.

Sorry I was late in writing this, the weekend got away from me. I’ll report back this Friday after my appointment!

Week Two – 2021 Reset

I sure did. After a friend mentioned a nutrition program she was doing, I did some shopping around and circled back to a nutritionist that I saw many years ago. She’s the realist of the real and that’s what I need. I need someone that’s in the know – to look at what I’m eating and fix it so I can lose weight. She fits in my budget so that helps too, there’s so many programs that don’t. I’m giving it my all and staying focused. I took my measurements and she weighed me and took my body fat/BMI. I took some before photos, but I’ll hold onto those for a while lol.

Today is day three of eating differently, my body is detoxing from all the extra sugar I was consuming. I’ve been having headaches and mood swings. I know it’ll take a few weeks to feel 100% but I’m in it for the long haul. I’m not trying to add diabetes to something I have to deal with too. If I kept eating the way I was I’m sure I’d be on my way to diabetes. No thanks – if I can avoid it.

I’ve also stopped weighing myself every morning. I figured that part of this process is to trust my nutritionist- so I won’t step on the scale again until I walk into her office on the 26th (next Friday). When she gave me my worksheet she wrote my projected weight loss to be 6-9 pounds. I’d be beside myself.

For exercise she added a full body weighted workout for me to do 3x a week in addition to the walking I already do each morning.

So I’ll be excited to report back to you next week on how things went and see if there’s any changes.

Week One of being back…

How’s it going?

Slow?

Not at all?

Kind of feels like it. I’ve been trying to cut out sugar – because I’m addicted. It’s hard. But I’m trying. I’ve done slightly better on my water intake and doing my best to not overeat. Making healthier choices. I’ve been tracking most of my meals to stay accountable.

I want this so badly. I really do. I’m sure I’m standing in my own way, but I also don’t know what I’m doing wrong that’s stopping any weight loss. I ordered one of those Everlywell kits for Metabolism. I figured it’s worth a shot to see if that gives me any new information. I’m not scheduled until May for my annual well visit, maybe it will give me information to give her. I’d love for there to be a good reason that I’m not losing weight other than it just being that I’m doing something wrong. I’m feeling slightly desperate over here! I ordered some new vitamins that I’m also hoping will support a healthy lifestyle.

As I circle back out of the pity party …

I’m just going to keep trying, keep tracking, keep drinking water. I’ll continue on with my morning walks and walking again in the afternoons to pick up Nate from the bus stop. I’ll check in again next week! Wish me luck!

4:30a walks

Progress Report

Y’all. I felt so much better after spilling my guts to you the other day. Seriously. Thank you to everyone that checked in with me too. It meant a lot.

On Saturday my husband pretty much forced me out of the house to go take a walk. We went to one of my favorite places, Bluff Point in Groton, CT. As much anxiety I had about going to the state park, it wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. We went much later in the afternoon so I’m sure that helped a little. The views are amazing and it made my soul heal a little seeing the ocean, feeling the sun and smelling the air.

I added a little over three miles to my September race and that felt good too! Totally making that goal this month.

We took in the sunset as we finished up our walk. Then found a local pizza place and shared a pizza in the van – since eating in a restaurant is super restrictive and really weird. Then we treated ourselves to some Friendlys ice cream before heading home. Taking the long way home and being out of the house for no other reason than to take a walk and a ride was really nice.

During the ride I also made a deal with myself. No more fucking around. I need to get real with trying to lose weight and stop feeling bad about myself. So many of you have heard me say this a million times before but I’ve upped the ante for myself this time. WHEN I lose 20ish pounds and get to 199- I need to hold or go below for two weeks – then I will add another tattoo to my right arm – starting my sleeve. That’s something I REALLY want so I’m going to push to make it happen. So I’m starting in the morning. I’m working on some meal planning and shopping lists to get me going. I’m excited mainly because I want to get that tattoo AND my husband gave me zero shit when I said that was what I wanted to reward myself with.

I’ll check in again soon. I’m excited. I’m gonna do this. Better start figuring out what flowers I want to add to my arm!

Am I really restarting again?

I know, I know. I just restarted. Starting the last time on a Thursday kind of messed me up, because I like my rest day to be on Sunday. Instead it was falling on Wednesday. Sundays are for family pancake breakfasts and hanging out on the porch drinking coffee right now, not a hardcore workout.

So I took a few days off and kicked my week off on Monday with Tabata Trampoline 30 minutes. Per usual I didn’t want to get up and do it, but I got it done before getting the kids going for the day. This whole endless summer/covidcation is making motivation a difficult task. Don’t be shocked, but I haven’t been tracking my food like I wanted to either. I just can’t get into that habit, it feels so overwhelming. I’m open to suggestions if anyone has them on how they do it, I’d love to hear them.

Updated Calendar

I’m on day 2, since trampoline was yesterday and this morning was upbeat strength. I’m making the commitment to NOT change this again and do it for the month of June. I’d love to see some changes happen. As much as I’m sick of my own excuses, crawling out of the brink of depression is harder. I feel like I am constantly battling with the inner voices that tell me I’m not good enough or trying hard enough. I don’t share this to be a sad bitch or for pity, but in case someone else is fight long the same things. Because as I’ve said before – depression is a tricky bitch, she gets you thinking she’s right…that you are just a sad person…poor me, right? Wrong, she’s wrong. Just proving it to yourself is the hard part.

I’ll check in again on Monday morning after completing the week – to report how it went. I also plan to catch up on reading Girl, Wash your face – I slacked off there too. Oops.

XOXO, Jenn