Day 67 – Checking in

I wish I could say things are getting easier, but they aren’t. I’m trying and wont stop treading water.

Stress eating is still one of my biggest challenges I’m facing. The one day taste of summer we had a week or so again also didn’t help my frame of mind. It reminded me that I’m still uncomfortable in my own body and the upcoming summer season, requiring less clothing is not high on my “feel good scale’.

I’ve found myself once again late night googling how people with Hashimotos loose weight. Wanting to starve myself between tiny meals and being unreasonable about what my expectations should be. I even started looking at Weight Watchers again.

I’m so torn most days about weight loss and body love. I know that I should LOVE my body – it’s strong, it’s carried two huge babies and carries me through each and every day without fail. But in the same breath that I write that and know that, I still cant stop myself from comparing my body to other peoples. Wanting to look like them, be thin like them. Or to the other thought process – I see the girls like me that just give zero fucks about what everyone else thinks or feels and just lives their best lives. How do you get there? Where you stop comparing yourself to everyone else and just live your very best life in the body you have right now.

I really feel like I need to make a shift. If I don’t I’m going to easily fall into a depression. Some days I feel like I’m walking the line. The last month has been a thought one, filled with all sorts of emotions. We’ve had some major changes within our home and they’ve had me running the range from sad to angry to worried to happy. So freaking weird. I’ve also seen myself shut down into full preservation mode. Where I just stopped talking to anyone outside my house and focused only on what feeds my soul. I organized my garden area in the garage, planted my garden, shaped up my plants and painted my plant stands. I felt accomplished when I was done and I liked it. I listened to my podcasts and got dirty in the yard. It’s what I needed that day to recharge myself. No one in my house deserves me and my attitude when my tank is empty and it was running on fumes.

I keep threatening to start meditating. I think I really should start doing that. It wouldn’t hurt to see if that helps to recharge my tank daily rather that just filling it with food like I’ve been doing for a while.

I also need to continue to push myself to workout each day – even if that workout is yoga, because the endorphin boost is what I need each day – it’s just convincing my body to roll out of bed and throw on the workout clothes. Once they’re on, I know I’ll do the workout. The bonus for getting it done before the kids wake up is that I tend to have a little more patience for distance learning.

As usual, thanks for letting me vent. Today I’m going to come up with a plan of action because I need a change, a shift in focus.

XOXO,

Jenn

Friday Feels

e33d2616d398798174a5f98806eda7a9--hello-friday-art-quotesSo it’s Friday ya’ll and I’ve made a new promise to myself.  To write in my blog more often.  So to begin with I’m going to post Fridays and use it to ramble about what happened this week and what I’d like to see for next week.

Monday began #last90days challenge for me.  I set out with the best of intentions.  Exercise Monday, Wednesday and Friday by getting up an hour early, drinking 120oz of water a day and give up one food category I KNOW I shouldn’t have.  I did a speed read of the book “Girl Wash Your Face” in preparation for the challenge.  I’ve been listening to Rachel Hollis’s podcasts and I feel like I’m learning some things.  I appreciate her realness and honesty.  One of the take aways I have from this is that setting personal boundaries is a necessary.  Prioritizing myself is something that I never do.  I need to start doing that.  I think that this step has to happen before I am successful in any other area.

5tothriveSo in the spirit of honesty, I haven’t worked out this week, I did break that promise to myself.  I blamed it on taking care of things for my parents, doctors appointments that didn’t go exactly as I wanted them to, someone being home while I workout – you name it, I can make an excuse for it.  Truth of the matter is, I just didn’t “make” the time for it, because I didn’t want to.  Feeling bad about myself overshadowed the need to workout. Which paired with me staying in bed as long as possible – then running around like a jerk to get the kids out the door for school and eating ALL the foods in the category I should be giving up (candy).  I did however drink half my weight in water each day this week, bonus to that is all the extra steps I logged while I went to the bathroom a zillion times!  I have also been writing my ten things I’m grateful for each day.  Some days they come easy, some days I’m reaching for anything.

My goal for the next week is to keep doing what I’m doing successfully, then add in those other 3 items – which all go together for me.  Making the time and putting myself on the schedule is going to be a big hurdle for me to get past, but it’ll happen.  It has to happen for me to find the success I’m looking for.  I also need to develop my “WHY”, because without that why – none of this will stick.

So until next week…wish me luck!