I’m still struggling!

Yup!  I sure am.  Yesterday I received a call for the life insurance that my husband and I applied for.  I was told that I received a sub-standard rating due to my “build”.  It was a tough blow.  Just hearing that was the reason, I wanted to cry.  Fortunately I had a friend there to listen to me and understand how I felt.  Because I didn’t get the same support at home from my husband.  Using “build” for determination on services feels so discriminatory.  How to you base a decision on weight/height ratios.  When all of the blood work you made me do shows how healthy I am when it comes to all of the other important things such as cholesterol, blood sugar, etc. Also, I’m lying…I did cry.  I cried a lot over this information.  Then reading it in black and white that because I am 5’7″ and on that day weighed 222 (fully dressed), I am deemed below standard.  It hurts, it burns, it really sucks.

This.  This is the kind of thing that makes things even worse for people like myself.  People that struggle with their confidence and fight body issues.  The body issues that cause you to want to eat to shove the feelings back down, then when your done you feel even worse.  I am lucky to have supportive friends, mother and solid promise to myself.  The promise that no matter what I don’t quit working out.  No matter how down I am.  No matter how much I hate myself that morning.  I get up, I move for at least 30 minutes and I put my everything into that workout.  I know this all seems harsh, but in all honestly that is how it is for me sometimes and I fight those demons daily.  Trying to focus on how strong I feel and how my clothes feel rather than the number on the scale.  

This all comes on the heels  of me trying to make better choices with the quality and quantity of food I consume.  I’ve also rolled back how much exercise I do daily.  I felt like I was over taxing my body.  I also came to grips with the fact that I am basically a toddler when it comes to food.  I love to graze all day rather than sit down and eat a meal.  So this week I tried something a little different and ate a regular lunch each day.  It’s made a difference in my snacking and in my weight.  

Thanks for letting me rant and get this off my chest.  Now I just need to move forward and continue to focus on bettering myself. XOXO

It’s Monday!

So that means a new week and new measurements! Y’all. I thought I was killing it this week. BUT I’m also sure that the amount of Halloween candy I’ve been consuming is offsetting those awesome efforts! I also haven’t been tracking my calorie intake. It’s just SO much work! (Insert whining voice)

The amount of exercise I’ve logged daily is exciting for me. I ran on Wednesday for “fun” and on Sunday with my oldest son. What an awesome feeling that was. Helping him finish his first 5K and I felt STRONG!

So for this next week. My plan is 80/20. Today was my 20 day. Queso for dinner. The rest of the week I need to be on. I have to track and must be mindful of what I eat. Today is a tough day on the calendar for me. So I’ve allowed myself to deal with it in the most familiar of ways. Food. But moving forward I will also start working on a healthier way to work through stressful times. Dealing with my “food issues”. Which is something I’m working on with one of my good friends.

On Friday I’ll check in with my progress.

XO

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Friday Feels

e33d2616d398798174a5f98806eda7a9--hello-friday-art-quotesHere we are again – it’s Friday!  I’ve had a decent start to this week.  I filled it with lots of movement.  Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday I hit my basement at 5am to get my Liift4 on with my virtual workout buddy Shannon.  A few of those days I added cycling on after that was complete.  Other days I went back to bed for 45 minutes -HA!  It’s all about balance right?  On Wednesday during my recovery day I did some restorative yoga, then in the afternoon I hit the road for a run/walk before picking up the kids.  Then hoofed it around for trick or treating with the kids.  I knew candy was on the horizon and I can’t pass that up!  Not to mention Shannon was putting the hustle on this week, so I had no excuse to be lazy!

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img_2339Beginning in November I decided I should start counting calories too.  Because as I mentioned in Monday’s post no matter how hard I work out, if I continue to eat like shit the scale will NEVER change.  Remembering to track it all is the tough part.  I tend to graze all the time.  So I would like to tackle that too.  Eating meals, rather than snacking all day.  I’m effectively a toddler – I snack all day and hate veggies.  Haha!  I spent some time looking up all the popular candies I like to eat so I can help keep myself accountable. (see my list below)  Because if I’m being real, I will still eat the candy.  I just need to moderate it.  So if you ever see me pass up candy or coffee – be concerned.

I also need to drink more water.  Staying accountable with friends is something I plan on doing this month.  Staying hydrated is such an important part of any weight loss regime.  It helps to suppress your appetite, boost your metabolism and cleanse your body of waste.  So drink that water!!

I’m going to continue with my gratitude journal.  I did the first 30 days with no misses.  I plan to continue this practice long past the 90 days.  I think it’s so important to take a few minutes a day to think about how great you really have it.  Some days might be a stretch but you’d be surprised that you can come up with at least 10 per day, usually without a problem.

See you Monday for my measurements!  I’m looking forward to what happens.  I’ve worked hard this week and have a 5K with my son on Sunday!

XO

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Measurement Monday

2018_10_29-13-46-51-1.jpgI began measuring myself again on Monday mornings when I started Rachel Hollis’ #last90days challenge. It was just another reminder that I needed to get moving again because these measurements aren’t going to change without me making that happen.

I started off during that first week on a Wednesday. I did a Jillian Michaels DVD for a few days. The second week I switched over to riding my stationary bike daily. Then my friend Shannon got me to commit with her to an eight week program (Liift4) of weights. With that commitment came a 5am wake up at least four days a week. If you know me, then you know I’m not a morning person. But it fell in line with the #last90days challenge of getting up an hour earlier every day. It’s been kind of nice actually.

Although I haven’t seen much of a shift in my measurements yet, I’m feeling confident that I will once I finish the eight week program. Along with Liift4 I’ve been cycling daily and on my recovery days I’ve done some restorative yoga. The yoga has been helping me from getting stiff after lifting weights.

It’s nice to switch it up and since fitting the gym into my schedule doesn’t seem to be working – doing it at home at zero dark thirty is what it will have to be. Being self employed, the time I get the majority of my work done is when the kiddos are in school. So to also try and for gym time in there isn’t practical (even though I’d love to take some more of those trampoline classes).  Maybe someday when I can hire some employees!

Looking forward to what happens with next weeks measurements!

XO

Friday Feels

 

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Another week has gone by, my weight crept up again.  But I also started a new workout program with a friend.  With an agreement of a 5am wakeup at least four days a week.  We did it!  We made it through week one and it was challenging.  I felt like I got a quality workout on those four days.  I did yoga on my designated recovery days.  Which helped with how tight my muscles were feeling.  The more active I am the less I want to eat so I’m trying to move as much as possible.img_2199

My plan for this week is to just continue my buddy workouts four days a week.  Also continuing my daily cycling for at least 30 minutes.  Getting up at 5am has actually been a nice change to the school week.  It allows me to get in my workout without feeling rushed or guilty.  The added bonus is I can get ready for my day with that same no stress vibe.  If only I could keep that vibe for the rest of the day….I’m working on it.  I’m hopeful to see a change in those measurements at minimum.  I promised myself and my friend Shannon that I wouldn’t quit.  We’re developing strong habits to carry forward and continue to do great things.  Being strong and fit is always WAY better than being skinny.

Here’s to a great week!  Enjoy all the Halloween festivities this week….I know it’s my favorite time of year! XO

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