I’m still struggling!

Yup!  I sure am.  Yesterday I received a call for the life insurance that my husband and I applied for.  I was told that I received a sub-standard rating due to my “build”.  It was a tough blow.  Just hearing that was the reason, I wanted to cry.  Fortunately I had a friend there to listen to me and understand how I felt.  Because I didn’t get the same support at home from my husband.  Using “build” for determination on services feels so discriminatory.  How to you base a decision on weight/height ratios.  When all of the blood work you made me do shows how healthy I am when it comes to all of the other important things such as cholesterol, blood sugar, etc. Also, I’m lying…I did cry.  I cried a lot over this information.  Then reading it in black and white that because I am 5’7″ and on that day weighed 222 (fully dressed), I am deemed below standard.  It hurts, it burns, it really sucks.

This.  This is the kind of thing that makes things even worse for people like myself.  People that struggle with their confidence and fight body issues.  The body issues that cause you to want to eat to shove the feelings back down, then when your done you feel even worse.  I am lucky to have supportive friends, mother and solid promise to myself.  The promise that no matter what I don’t quit working out.  No matter how down I am.  No matter how much I hate myself that morning.  I get up, I move for at least 30 minutes and I put my everything into that workout.  I know this all seems harsh, but in all honestly that is how it is for me sometimes and I fight those demons daily.  Trying to focus on how strong I feel and how my clothes feel rather than the number on the scale.  

This all comes on the heels  of me trying to make better choices with the quality and quantity of food I consume.  I’ve also rolled back how much exercise I do daily.  I felt like I was over taxing my body.  I also came to grips with the fact that I am basically a toddler when it comes to food.  I love to graze all day rather than sit down and eat a meal.  So this week I tried something a little different and ate a regular lunch each day.  It’s made a difference in my snacking and in my weight.  

Thanks for letting me rant and get this off my chest.  Now I just need to move forward and continue to focus on bettering myself. XOXO

It’s Monday!

So that means a new week and new measurements! Y’all. I thought I was killing it this week. BUT I’m also sure that the amount of Halloween candy I’ve been consuming is offsetting those awesome efforts! I also haven’t been tracking my calorie intake. It’s just SO much work! (Insert whining voice)

The amount of exercise I’ve logged daily is exciting for me. I ran on Wednesday for “fun” and on Sunday with my oldest son. What an awesome feeling that was. Helping him finish his first 5K and I felt STRONG!

So for this next week. My plan is 80/20. Today was my 20 day. Queso for dinner. The rest of the week I need to be on. I have to track and must be mindful of what I eat. Today is a tough day on the calendar for me. So I’ve allowed myself to deal with it in the most familiar of ways. Food. But moving forward I will also start working on a healthier way to work through stressful times. Dealing with my “food issues”. Which is something I’m working on with one of my good friends.

On Friday I’ll check in with my progress.

XO

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Friday Feels….On a Saturday morning

e33d2616d398798174a5f98806eda7a9--hello-friday-art-quotesGood morning friends, what a week this has been for me!  The busiest I’ve had in a long time.  My husband and I have been working hard on setting up our new GPS Tracking business.  Between conference calls, finding suppliers and trainings almost everyday – it all feels a little overwhelming!  I had a few family things to deal with too this week.  My dad has been fighting RA for years and lately his mobility has gotten very limited.  So I’ve been stepping in and helping out when I can because I can offer more strength in helping him at doctors appointments.  At the end of September he had an infection pop up out of no where in his foot that required two surgeries to take care of it, including a week long hospital stay, six weeks of daily antibiotic infusions and home visits from a nurse every other day to change bandages.  He just finished those infusions this week and I am beyond thrilled.  This means he can get back on his RA medication this week, which I am hopeful will improves his mobility.

 

img_2021As far as my promises to myself last week, well….I didn’t do so great.  My weight and measurements went up.  I definitely didn’t
track like I wanted to or drink enough water.  I did get in 30 minutes of exercise daily and complete my 10 things I’m grateful for each day.  The lists are getting easier every day.  I realized there are so many things to be grateful for if you take a minute to realize it.  So for this next week I’ve committed to working out with a friend – checking in daily. It’s an eight week program – four times a week.  It’s nice to have an accountability partner for working out.  I have one for my gratitude and water.  I have to figure out what it’s going to take to get that scales moving in the right direction and my measurements.  Because I can’t go splitting my jeans again like last week (see Tuesday’s Instagram post haha).

Here’s hoping for an awesome week – I have a slightly less packed calendar for next week so let’s hope it stays that way!

 

Have a great week and thanks for reading! XO

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Friday Feels

e33d2616d398798174a5f98806eda7a9--hello-friday-art-quotesWhat’s happening?  It’s Friday and I’m getting ready to roll into a weekend to myself!  Yup, that’s right….just me and the dog while the boys head up to New Hampshire with the Boy Scouts for the weekend.  At first I panicked when my hubby said he wanted to take my littlest on the trip.  I thought he was leaving him home with me this time.  I have a love/hate relationship with being home alone.  I am SO used to having these boys around, my house feels super empty when they aren’t here!  But I’ve set myself up for success this weekend – so I don’t focus on missing them.  Tonight I’m binge watching my shows on my actual TV.  Usually I lose my TV to the kids and watch all my shows on my iPad.  I also plan to order myself a pizza.  I don’t even care how many calories or carbs.  Tomorrow as long as the rain holds off there are a few outdoor activities I’d like to do and maybe I’ll work outside to enjoy the weather.  I’ve been neglecting my yard and gardens this year with all the home improvements we’ve been doing.  So that is a good time passer.

IMG_1930On Monday morning, I took note of my weight and measurements.  You know that whole getting ready – to get ready – to get ready –  to work out!  I figured I should record the information if I decided to get myself in gear and do something about how uncomfortable I’ve been feeling lately.  It seems like 220lbs is my “breaking point”, where I actually begin to feel uncomfortable on a daily basis.  That’s where I’m at right now.  I’m struggling to be comfy in my jeans, so I’m thankful for being able to wear yoga pants in my office!

IMG_1952I’ve been keeping up on my gratitude journal and watering myself appropriately.  On Thursday morning I finally got out of my own way and woke up early.  I did Jillian Michael’s 30 Day Beginner Shred.  I figured I should ease myself back into working out daily after beating the hell out of myself with the two fitness classes I took a few weeks ago!  I committed to myself that now that I have begun the morning workouts – I have to finish them for the next 90 days – as part of the challenge.  So I have scheduled 90 workouts for myself in my planner!  Yup…I one of those planner girls…with all the washi tape, stickers and colored pens.  It makes my feel like I have my shit together.  Most days I don’t but the planner makes me feel like I tried.

I’m still working on my “WHY”, I want to be sure it fits all the criteria to be an awesome WHY that will stay the duration of getting to my goal.  So this next week, that’s the assignment I’m giving myself.  Put together my WHY and publish it here next week!

Until next week….enjoy the weekend, enjoy your family, enjoy your friends.  Much Love!

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August Action Plan

That’s right…I’ve got an action plan! I have to keep trying until something sticks. Because I am sick and tired of feeling gross and being tired! I want to feel good and be active with my kids. They’re young and deserve an active mama. Because this girl has gotten LAZY this summer.

So I don’t know if this plan will be the one but I’m going to try it. The biggest change is me ditching the scale for the month. Im going to weigh & measure myself on August 1st, then put the scale away until September 1st. I’ve once again become dependent on that number on the scale. It then determines my attitude for the day. Which usually means my attitude will suck. (Insert eye roll here)

The rest is really just a recommitment to counting and burning calories and drinking water. I recalculated my BMR & AMR to help guide me on how much I should be eating and burning daily. Knowing I’d like to have a 1,000 calorie deficit daily to hopefully lose an average of 2lbs per week.

I’ve set up my journal for the month and I’m giving the goals a test run today.