Day 1 of restart 8,635,173,263

Ok fam. Let’s give this a go. Again. Yep. It legit feels like the number in the title of the post. But I can do this. I think. Lol.

I spent some time while the kids were doing their school work to really evaluate things. I woke up like a bear this morning. Full of jealousy for my husband who has recently lost something like 30 pounds. I’m not an asshole, but I secretly hate him for this. (Did I mention it’s also our wedding anniversary so being a hater today makes it even worse!). I wish losing weight could be as simple for me as it is for him. He stopped eating out and uses our exercise bike 4-5 days a week, with a few pushups and sit-ups thrown in for good measure? Meanwhile I’m over here working out each day until I feel like I’m going to die and somewhat watching what I eat. Now mind you this whole COVID thing has been a weird wild ride for me (just like everyone else I know). So have I been eating more treats and carbs? Yes. But I also added 2 extra people to my dinner table during all of this, so making food that everyone will enjoy plus stretching things as far as they can go has been paramount. Honestly, my overall mood has sucked and I don’t like how it feels.

So after the post I did the other day, it got my mind moving about what I could do. It also got me looking into body dysmorphia, which I really think I have. I’ve talked about this in previous posts – where when I look at myself without a mirror I like the way I look. As soon as I look at myself in a mirror-I instantly start tearing myself apart. I’ve changed my hair color 4 different times in the hopes to boost my own morale. I’ve connected with friends and they’ve lovingly reminded me that I’m not alone. But I just can’t shake the feeling that I need to feel better in my skin and only I can do that for myself.

I took my measurements again this morning and stepped on that blasted scale so I could have a starting point. I posted it below.

I also put together a hybrid calendar for workouts. I’m getting bored with following the full Morning Meltdown program for the second time, so I grabbed my favorite days and mixed them up with trampoline workouts and kickboxing. I have a tabata timer that I love and playlists that make me work – so I’m hopeful that it will inspire me to do it! With that said…the workouts are actually the easy part! Crazy right? Yep, the kitchen is where all my problems are. So I’m also back to tracking on My Fitness Pal, because I’m on a budget and it’s free. Feel free to follow me/friend me? I don’t know how that works. (user name: jenns_losing_it). I also have a Apple Watch and would love to connect with people there too for challenges – accountability is where it’s at!

Wish me luck! I’m starting literally right now – so I need to change my clothes and get my ass on that trampoline! Cardio waits for no one. I didn’t want to start workouts tomorrow when I took my measurements today. Seriously. Here goes nothing. Again. I need support, I need my cheerleaders. I need all the love to help me keep going when I want to sit down and have a snack. I want to feel comfortable in those shorts this summer, because its hot as hell to be wearing jeans!

XOXO, Jenn

Day Seventeen … getting tired of these yet?

Y’all tired of reading about my boring days yet? Well. Today’s post is about some of the usual and then some of the gym thoughts I have.

I started the day with getting both kiddos off to school then I head over to the gym to try out a new Barre class they’re offering. I liked it, it was definitely challenging. My friend Kristin came to try it out today too.

It was a good burn for all the balance, weights and core we did. No complaints there.

A slower pace gave me a chance to kinda observe the room and get all in my head. I’m about to be super honest and vulnerable here. I don’t usually have time for all that self observation and negative self talk with the other workouts. I always hide in the back and try to position myself where I can’t see myself in the mirror. I’ve talked about this before – how I look to myself when I look down vs what the mirror shows me are two entirely different things. I’m far more confident in myself without the reflection! Does anyone else feel this way when they’re at the gym? I get hyper critical of myself and start picking apart how different I am from everyone else. I know I shouldn’t. I try and remind myself that I’m just as worthy to be there and I hustle through the workouts just like anyone else. I have “big girl” complex though. Every time. I hate that about myself. This is where my headspace was at today.

This. This is everything.

I really just need to stay focused on what I’m doing in my lane and never mind what’s happening over there.

Thanks for reading my babble. It feels good to write it out. Put it out there so it’s not taking up mental space anymore.

Today’s gratitude – pushing through and doing things no matter how tired I think I am. I did all my commitments today.

XOXO

Days Fourteen & Fifteen

Saturday & Sunday….

The weekends are busy here.  Saturday morning James had a hike with his Cub Scout Pack and Nate decided to stay home. So I stayed here and did all of our laundry, that I didn’t do last week so I had two weeks worth. Saturday night we had plans to celebrate my friends 40th birthday. It was a kid free night so the boys spent the night at my mother-in-law’s. She had her party at a laser tag place. Everyone had a great time.

I threw away my diet this weekend. I really need to start doing better tomorrow. I think part of it on Saturday was that my mother-in-law basically told me that I wasn’t even trying. But was sure to point out that my husband lost weight. Told me how much she lost. Then told me “we need to get you on board”. Awesome. So of course I showed her by eating two pieces of cake at the party. Then follow that up today by eating leftover cake and all of the queso during my home Super Bowl party. So needless to say I didn’t track anything for Saturday or Sunday in my fitness pal. Fresh start 73,738,372,837,262?

I think I’m really gonna try to give it a go this week and put in the whole week with trying to track everything and eat a little bit better. I really am sick of feeling like crap every day. Both mentally and physically. I’ve got to try to shut out all of the other aspects that caused me to stress eat or bored eat.

Days 14 and 15 gratitude: For having good friends that make me laugh and that I want to go out and spend time with. For never throwing in the towel no matter how hard I think it gets and how negative everyone around me is.

Here’s to a healthy week – let’s see if I can do it. Please help me stay accountable. Check in on me. I need it.

XOXO

Day Thirteen

Day thirteen and I’m still plugging along. Coughing up a storm but still going.

I slept in a little knowing I was heading to the gym after school drop off. I figured I could maybe sweat some of this cold? Whatever I have out during my weekly beat down at the gym. Fortunately I was too busy trying not to die during the 40 straight minutes of cardio with no warm up and a few tiny water breaks that I wasn’t coughing. Lol. I torch calories during these workouts at the gym. I only have a few visits left. Then I’ll have to figure out what comes next.

Energy Bounce Total Tone

I tracked all my food yesterday but did kind of go off the rails a little towards the end of the day. Once the kids are home and I have that “I don’t know what to do with myself vibe” – I tend to start seeking out food.

I just have to keep trying to do my best right?

Day 14 gratitude: That my oldest still seeks my opinion when he’s having a hard time. (Never easy for him so when he does it, it’s serious to him)

XOXO

Day Twelve

Day Twelve of writing and Day One of trying to get my shit together for the 484,728,272nd time.

I did the usual routine yesterday and forced myself to get up and work out even though I’m still not feeling 100%. I ran all my errands and finished up the school fundraiser.

I tracked all my food yesterday. Even the treats. I just can’t give up my candy.

I have to sit down and actually meal plan the rest of the meals in my day. Not just dinners. I have a spreadsheet that I was given when I saw a nutritionist a few years back that I really like that I can use to plan or I guess I could pre-track my day each morning to plan it all out too. We’ll have to see because sometimes I over plan and that just sets me up for failure because I overwhelm myself. I’m a weirdo I know.

Day Twelve Gratitude: I struggled with this one but I would have to say for today it’s the little moments in the car with the kids. Where they feel like sharing their day.

XOXO