Am I really restarting again?

I know, I know. I just restarted. Starting the last time on a Thursday kind of messed me up, because I like my rest day to be on Sunday. Instead it was falling on Wednesday. Sundays are for family pancake breakfasts and hanging out on the porch drinking coffee right now, not a hardcore workout.

So I took a few days off and kicked my week off on Monday with Tabata Trampoline 30 minutes. Per usual I didn’t want to get up and do it, but I got it done before getting the kids going for the day. This whole endless summer/covidcation is making motivation a difficult task. Don’t be shocked, but I haven’t been tracking my food like I wanted to either. I just can’t get into that habit, it feels so overwhelming. I’m open to suggestions if anyone has them on how they do it, I’d love to hear them.

Updated Calendar

I’m on day 2, since trampoline was yesterday and this morning was upbeat strength. I’m making the commitment to NOT change this again and do it for the month of June. I’d love to see some changes happen. As much as I’m sick of my own excuses, crawling out of the brink of depression is harder. I feel like I am constantly battling with the inner voices that tell me I’m not good enough or trying hard enough. I don’t share this to be a sad bitch or for pity, but in case someone else is fight long the same things. Because as I’ve said before – depression is a tricky bitch, she gets you thinking she’s right…that you are just a sad person…poor me, right? Wrong, she’s wrong. Just proving it to yourself is the hard part.

I’ll check in again on Monday morning after completing the week – to report how it went. I also plan to catch up on reading Girl, Wash your face – I slacked off there too. Oops.

XOXO, Jenn

Day Seventeen … getting tired of these yet?

Y’all tired of reading about my boring days yet? Well. Today’s post is about some of the usual and then some of the gym thoughts I have.

I started the day with getting both kiddos off to school then I head over to the gym to try out a new Barre class they’re offering. I liked it, it was definitely challenging. My friend Kristin came to try it out today too.

It was a good burn for all the balance, weights and core we did. No complaints there.

A slower pace gave me a chance to kinda observe the room and get all in my head. I’m about to be super honest and vulnerable here. I don’t usually have time for all that self observation and negative self talk with the other workouts. I always hide in the back and try to position myself where I can’t see myself in the mirror. I’ve talked about this before – how I look to myself when I look down vs what the mirror shows me are two entirely different things. I’m far more confident in myself without the reflection! Does anyone else feel this way when they’re at the gym? I get hyper critical of myself and start picking apart how different I am from everyone else. I know I shouldn’t. I try and remind myself that I’m just as worthy to be there and I hustle through the workouts just like anyone else. I have “big girl” complex though. Every time. I hate that about myself. This is where my headspace was at today.

This. This is everything.

I really just need to stay focused on what I’m doing in my lane and never mind what’s happening over there.

Thanks for reading my babble. It feels good to write it out. Put it out there so it’s not taking up mental space anymore.

Today’s gratitude – pushing through and doing things no matter how tired I think I am. I did all my commitments today.

XOXO

Day Sixteen

Day sixteen was a day off for the kiddos. So that meant sleeping in a little later and a more relaxed schedule. I got up and pulled a double workout. Something I’m going to try this week is getting in at least an hour of exercise a day. I found that on my gym days where I workout (until I feel like I may die with cardio) I’m less likely to over eat throughout the rest of the day. Weird since you’d assume the opposite. I did my usual Morning Meltdown-Fight Club (my least favorite) then went out to the garage to give my new trampoline a try! I found one similar to the ones from the gym for a 1/3 of the price – so I jumped on it. I threw together a 30 minute tabata workout on the fly.

MM100 – Fight Club
30 min Tabata Tramp

After my workouts I had some breakfast and put away the mounds of laundry sitting on my dining room table. I put it all there so I have no choice but to put it away. Otherwise I’ll live out of the laundry baskets sitting in my bedroom or hallway.

It looked to be a good weather day so my friend Kim said she was going to take the kids on a hike and asked us to join. Only James was interested – so we threw ourselves together and hit the road with a backpack lunch. Hiking with 5 kids is always an adventure. Lots of “don’t do this and stop that”. We made it to the summit and had our lunch before heading back down. It was a nice day out with our friends.

Case Mountain-Manchester, CT

Tomorrow I’m off to try Barre at the gym. My body is beat from today. Hopefully I’ll recuperate overnight.

I almost forgot! I tracked all my food!

I need more protein and less carbs in my life. 😬

Day 16 Gratitude: that I’m able to do the workouts and take the walks. Sometimes we take that for granted.

XOXO

Day Twelve

Day Twelve of writing and Day One of trying to get my shit together for the 484,728,272nd time.

I did the usual routine yesterday and forced myself to get up and work out even though I’m still not feeling 100%. I ran all my errands and finished up the school fundraiser.

I tracked all my food yesterday. Even the treats. I just can’t give up my candy.

I have to sit down and actually meal plan the rest of the meals in my day. Not just dinners. I have a spreadsheet that I was given when I saw a nutritionist a few years back that I really like that I can use to plan or I guess I could pre-track my day each morning to plan it all out too. We’ll have to see because sometimes I over plan and that just sets me up for failure because I overwhelm myself. I’m a weirdo I know.

Day Twelve Gratitude: I struggled with this one but I would have to say for today it’s the little moments in the car with the kids. Where they feel like sharing their day.

XOXO

Day Eleven

Day eleven. Whoa.

Day eleven has me sick of my own shit. Yup. I said it. I’M SICK OF MY OWN SHIT. The overeating. The snacking. The muffin-top. The guilt. Then the stress eating from the guilt. All of it. I need to break the cycle. Because today while I did all of the above I felt myself slipping back into the sad bitch mode I was eleven days ago. Uh. No thanks. So where does that leave me? That leaves me needing to make a change. I need to do something different.

I wish I could do it as easy as I can say it. I have to take it one day at a time. Literally one day at a time. So. Here’s my plan for tomorrow. Get up – sniffles or not – and get my workout done before getting Nate up. Track everything I eat in MyFitnessPal. Drink all the water.

Somethings gotta give and eating all the food and killing myself in workouts isn’t changing anything. I’ve done the research and it’s not working. LOL.

Y’all. I’m so sick of myself today! I’m going to work to fix that tomorrow. Promise.

Here I go on my restart #63,627,263,739

Gratitude for day 11: The ability to be so mad at myself but love myself enough to make changes.

XOXO