Day 1 of restart 8,635,173,263

Ok fam. Let’s give this a go. Again. Yep. It legit feels like the number in the title of the post. But I can do this. I think. Lol.

I spent some time while the kids were doing their school work to really evaluate things. I woke up like a bear this morning. Full of jealousy for my husband who has recently lost something like 30 pounds. I’m not an asshole, but I secretly hate him for this. (Did I mention it’s also our wedding anniversary so being a hater today makes it even worse!). I wish losing weight could be as simple for me as it is for him. He stopped eating out and uses our exercise bike 4-5 days a week, with a few pushups and sit-ups thrown in for good measure? Meanwhile I’m over here working out each day until I feel like I’m going to die and somewhat watching what I eat. Now mind you this whole COVID thing has been a weird wild ride for me (just like everyone else I know). So have I been eating more treats and carbs? Yes. But I also added 2 extra people to my dinner table during all of this, so making food that everyone will enjoy plus stretching things as far as they can go has been paramount. Honestly, my overall mood has sucked and I don’t like how it feels.

So after the post I did the other day, it got my mind moving about what I could do. It also got me looking into body dysmorphia, which I really think I have. I’ve talked about this in previous posts – where when I look at myself without a mirror I like the way I look. As soon as I look at myself in a mirror-I instantly start tearing myself apart. I’ve changed my hair color 4 different times in the hopes to boost my own morale. I’ve connected with friends and they’ve lovingly reminded me that I’m not alone. But I just can’t shake the feeling that I need to feel better in my skin and only I can do that for myself.

I took my measurements again this morning and stepped on that blasted scale so I could have a starting point. I posted it below.

I also put together a hybrid calendar for workouts. I’m getting bored with following the full Morning Meltdown program for the second time, so I grabbed my favorite days and mixed them up with trampoline workouts and kickboxing. I have a tabata timer that I love and playlists that make me work – so I’m hopeful that it will inspire me to do it! With that said…the workouts are actually the easy part! Crazy right? Yep, the kitchen is where all my problems are. So I’m also back to tracking on My Fitness Pal, because I’m on a budget and it’s free. Feel free to follow me/friend me? I don’t know how that works. (user name: jenns_losing_it). I also have a Apple Watch and would love to connect with people there too for challenges – accountability is where it’s at!

Wish me luck! I’m starting literally right now – so I need to change my clothes and get my ass on that trampoline! Cardio waits for no one. I didn’t want to start workouts tomorrow when I took my measurements today. Seriously. Here goes nothing. Again. I need support, I need my cheerleaders. I need all the love to help me keep going when I want to sit down and have a snack. I want to feel comfortable in those shorts this summer, because its hot as hell to be wearing jeans!

XOXO, Jenn

Checking In…

Well. It’s been a little over a week since I fell off the daily post train. I just got wrapped in what I was doing during the day and crashing at night. Same old, same old happening over here. I’ve been keeping my workouts going every morning. Averaging 60 minutes a day. I “feel” like it’s helping with hunger and overeating. The scale of course- the asshole that it is-tells me differently.

I weighed myself yesterday morning and shocker. The stupid scale still shows 225.

I’m frustrated. I am. I don’t even have a goal weight at this point other than not this weight. I think what really set me off was when my husband says…I weighed myself this morning and I’m down to 235. Are you kidding me. This dude worked out for like 2 weeks, then took 2 weeks off because of the flu and now he’s only 10lbs heavier than me. Come. On.

After exclaiming my disbelief that I’m only 10lbs less than his – he follows up with – well that should motivate you to stay that way? Yep. Then says – just try harder. Wow. Why didn’t I think of that.

I’m sure I am in some sort of denial about how many calories I consume daily but I also know how hard I work daily in my workouts. I’m giving them my all. I know your body isn’t made only in the gym. But good grief it must count for something? Either that or 40 sucks hard.

So here I am today. Tracking all the food. Taking all the measurements. Killing myself in the workouts. To see if something shifts in the next week.

So do I call this another restart? #1286816384839? 😂

Well. That felt good to get it all out! I’ll check back in next Sunday night and let you know if something changes this week. I’m still holding on to hope that it will all click.

XOXO

Day Seventeen … getting tired of these yet?

Y’all tired of reading about my boring days yet? Well. Today’s post is about some of the usual and then some of the gym thoughts I have.

I started the day with getting both kiddos off to school then I head over to the gym to try out a new Barre class they’re offering. I liked it, it was definitely challenging. My friend Kristin came to try it out today too.

It was a good burn for all the balance, weights and core we did. No complaints there.

A slower pace gave me a chance to kinda observe the room and get all in my head. I’m about to be super honest and vulnerable here. I don’t usually have time for all that self observation and negative self talk with the other workouts. I always hide in the back and try to position myself where I can’t see myself in the mirror. I’ve talked about this before – how I look to myself when I look down vs what the mirror shows me are two entirely different things. I’m far more confident in myself without the reflection! Does anyone else feel this way when they’re at the gym? I get hyper critical of myself and start picking apart how different I am from everyone else. I know I shouldn’t. I try and remind myself that I’m just as worthy to be there and I hustle through the workouts just like anyone else. I have “big girl” complex though. Every time. I hate that about myself. This is where my headspace was at today.

This. This is everything.

I really just need to stay focused on what I’m doing in my lane and never mind what’s happening over there.

Thanks for reading my babble. It feels good to write it out. Put it out there so it’s not taking up mental space anymore.

Today’s gratitude – pushing through and doing things no matter how tired I think I am. I did all my commitments today.

XOXO

Phase One of Jillian Michaels Body Shred

I figured I would try doing a midway post about my progress on the program this time around. Three months seemed like a long time to wait to make a post about a program. I used the ending pictures for my last program as the beginning photos and stats for this one.

I’d like to say I’ll do better with my food, but if I’m being honest tracking food just isn’t my jam. The last month of the Body Revolution program I just listened to my body and ate when I was hungry. I also switched things up by adding in my favorite protein coffee every morning once the school schedule began.

I’m not the type of person that can roll out of bed and eat breakfast. I also take thyroid medicine each morning for my Hashimoto’s and they recommend that you wait 30-60 minutes before eating anything.

Here’s what my weekday schedule looks like – 5:15a wake up, get the big kid ready and out the door. Then I take my thyroid medication around 6:30a and hit play on my workout. The workouts are usually around 35 minutes, then I start to wake up the little guy. Then it’s shower time, throw on some clothes and get the little guy out the door. I take a protein coffee (Click Brand – so good, I’m not sponsored, but sometimes think I should be the way I shout their praises) on the way to school. The protein coffee feeds my muscles after my workout and my caffeine requirement without making me feel sick like breakfast would. I usually run my errands after dropping James at school. I’m home between 10 & 11, having my breakfast then.

I’d like to get better at tracking what I actually eat, so I can get a real picture of what I’m actually consuming. I don’t want to do the tracking thing forever but maybe for a week or two. One of these days I’ll get it together and make that happen.

So the stomach bug I fought with a week or so ago helped with a little weight loss. I guess that’s the upside of a stomach bug right? My diet isn’t in check so I can’t expect miracles. However I don’t like to deprive myself of the foods I like. So moderation is what I’ll strive for in these last 3 weeks. I’ll commit to tracking beginning Monday to at least get an idea of how many calories I’m consuming.

Here goes nothing for the last 3 weeks and 3 days of the program!

xoxo

My Summer Workout

It’s been a good long while since I posted on my blog. I really want to post more, I just need to figure out what to post about. However I’ve been planning this post all summer! I committed to the Jillian Michaels Body Revolution Plan for the summer since I knew that the gym wasn’t in the cards for me. Work schedules are too crazy around here to make that work. So I began this rotation on Monday, June 17th and I actually remembered to take photos AND measurements!

I’ve written this blog post on different increments of my Body Revolution journey after taking photos for each stage.

Now, I wish I could say I changed my eating habits during the program. But so far I haven’t. I struggle with no actual schedule. So summer time is tough for me. When it comes to getting up in the morning, working out or even working on my office – I’ve really slacked off. However I have gotten in every single one of these workouts and haven’t missed any of them.

I also implemented double cardio days during this program. So on cardio days I do the Body Revolution Cardio and 30 minutes of cycling.

There’s been small changes in both weight and measurements. I’m sure they’d be a heck of a lot better if I could dial in my eating along with the program. I’m a stress eater, a bored eater and a grazer. So I guess working out has kept some of the weight at bay but I’d really like to trim down a bit so I feel more comfortable in my clothes. Jeans season is right around the corner and those are uncomfortable enough!

I’ve continued to stay true to my word when it comes to workouts and I’m sure anyone that follows me on Instagram is sick of my daily posts. It’s how I stay accountable to myself. So I apologize. However if you’re following me on Facebook at least you’re getting some humorous memes in between my daily workout posts.

After closing out on Phase Two and still not making much of a change, I do feel a little defeated. Don’t worry I’m not quitting. I actually want to try and throw my all into it for the last phase. I’ll get a “bonus” week to complete it as I’m taking a mini vacation during this phase and won’t be able to take my workout on the road as we’re camping in Maine. So instead I’ll take my sneakers and do a little running, swimming, paddle boarding, sailing and yoga.

I’m also hoping the fact that we have to plan a fairly strict menu for the trip that it will help with the grazing and crap eating. But I’ll know best when I come back.

During Phase Two I added in daily yoga. I felt like the cool down stretching wasn’t enough for me and my flexibility had become no existent. Daily yoga of 10-15 minutes daily has been helping my overall soreness as well as regaining some of my flexibility.

As I’m finishing up on Phase Three I realized a few things. The biggest is how real my body dysmorphia is. When I look at myself (no mirror, just using my eyes to observe myself), I see my muscles toning. My legs look good, my arms are shaping up and my abdomen feels flatter. My clothes are feeling different (in a good way). Overall I feel good about all the work I’ve put in. Then I look at myself in the mirror or in a picture. I chop that body into a million pieces. Contradicting everything I was just feeling good about. Which is a damn shame. I catch myself thinking “is this what other people see?” Which honestly I shouldn’t care, right? As long as I’m happy with myself.

I faced these realities during a pop up class I decided to take at a new gym (The Barre in Rocky Hill). Mirrors all over the place – for the obvious reason of checking your form. But I tried to position myself between the seam of the mirrors and did my very best to avoid my own eye contact. I also caught myself looking around the room and comparing myself to the other people. Deciding that once again I was the biggest person in the room. Totally missing the point that I killed the workout. Killed it. Having never taken the class before I kept up with all the regulars. It was a HIIT class with rotations between cardio and strength. I was able to do everything with little to no modifications. Cranking through pushups like a boss while the guy next to me was riding the struggle bus. Yet I circled back to how I looked in the mirror rather than how I felt.

Now that I’m finished with the Jillian Michaels Body Revolution and I’m on this new morning time schedule since the kids are back in school. (My oldest has to get up at 5:30-bus stop at 6:20 & my youngest gets up at 7:15 drop off at 8:40.) This gives me the time in between to workout uninterrupted before taking the little guy to school. I’m going to continue on with these home workouts rather than the gym since I proved to myself that I can complete the 90 days with little to no excuses.

My next workout program is going to be the follow up to this one. Jillian Michaels Body Shred. This program is 60 days and a little more intense (or so it says). I’ve done this program before too. I can’t remember if I’ve finished it.

Overall I’m not mad at my results from this program. I gave the workouts everything I had. The food. Not so much. They do say your body is made in the kitchen not in the gym right?

So I’ve got a good thing going with how far I’ve come with this program. I can only continue to improve if I don’t stop.

Something else to think about is that I did this without going to the gym. Committing to myself that I’ll workout every morning no matter what. I only had 2 days in a fitness class during these past 90 days. If you asked me at the middle of June when I began if I could do it without classes at the gym, I would have said no. I proved myself wrong.

I’d love to be able to go to the gym daily but honestly the classes I like just aren’t in the budget. You know how it goes. Boutique Fitness gets expensive.