Thirty days later…

So I finished one whole month. One month of no skipped workouts and even adding something new to my workout routine…running! I’m making a comeback! My niece is training for her upcoming boot camp session for the Army National Guard, so I helped jump start her into running. We have different pacing and different motivation-not to mention she’s got 20 years on me! That’s what I keep reminding myself as I move slow and steady on my runs.

I also started tracking food with her on My Fitness Pal. I wanted to offer my full support on her health journey. Plus having someone to share the pain of calorie counting and logging helps right? I know it helps me, especially if I’m already figuring all the calorie amounts for her anyway! So for the month of June we logged everything for three weeks. I’ll admit that she dialed in a lot more seriously than I did, but it is what it is right? She has a lot more on the line than I do to stay fit and trim. It’s almost like she’s on The Biggest Loser with a new job with sign on bonus as the prize!

So after a month of no missed workouts, with quite a few doubles and tracking my food for 3 out of 4 weeks, I can say I lost 2.8lbs. I blame hypothyroidism for the slow weight loss plus I’m over 40. So the little picture above is more a reminder for me – that the scale is only a small part of your story. Unfortunately for me, there is A LOT of calorie and weight loss chatter in my house right now, so I have to remind myself to stay positive and stay on my course. Losing 2.8 is better than gaining it and I’m feeling strong and seeing some muscle gains in my arms and legs. (I see them, not sure if anyone else does lol)

Here’s my commitment for the rest of the summer. I closed all my rings every day in the month of June. My goal is to do that again in July and August. I’ll continue to torture myself by tracking my food, because I guess it worked lol. It’s honestly the worst and I really miss treats. This weekend I will indulge myself for my oldest’s 12th birthday. I ordered some breakfast treats from a high school friend and of course I’ll make a cake! It’s all about balance right? One day of apps and cake isn’t going to break my stride. It’s only one day. Plus I’ll track it and move on to stay in the practice of tracking.

I’ll finish up my check in with some things I found in the boredom of trying to stay out of the public as much as possible. I joined one of those Facebook groups that is for women only and they drop small gift baskets for one another. I’ve done several small mail ones and have loved the response. Creating personal connections is nice. I’ve also joined a couple of running groups and pages – Kelly Roberts – Badass Lady Gang, Fat Girl Running and a few others. I’m looking for more positivity in my daily feed aligning with where I should be mentally. Battling with depression and anxiety during this time has been just that, a battle – so exercising and finding the positives are where it’s at for me.

I’m also trying one of those virtual runs with YesFit. I picked the Athena run – 24.9 total miles, at your own pace. I’ll earn a medal for completing it. It keeps me wanting to complete the runs 3X a week. Honestly anything that keeps me moving and out of my own head is a godsend right now. Let me know if you’ve ever done one of these virtual runs. I’d love to get some feedback – there’s a llama run that I want to do next because the medal is super cute!

XOXO Jenn

Day 67 – Checking in

I wish I could say things are getting easier, but they aren’t. I’m trying and wont stop treading water.

Stress eating is still one of my biggest challenges I’m facing. The one day taste of summer we had a week or so again also didn’t help my frame of mind. It reminded me that I’m still uncomfortable in my own body and the upcoming summer season, requiring less clothing is not high on my “feel good scale’.

I’ve found myself once again late night googling how people with Hashimotos loose weight. Wanting to starve myself between tiny meals and being unreasonable about what my expectations should be. I even started looking at Weight Watchers again.

I’m so torn most days about weight loss and body love. I know that I should LOVE my body – it’s strong, it’s carried two huge babies and carries me through each and every day without fail. But in the same breath that I write that and know that, I still cant stop myself from comparing my body to other peoples. Wanting to look like them, be thin like them. Or to the other thought process – I see the girls like me that just give zero fucks about what everyone else thinks or feels and just lives their best lives. How do you get there? Where you stop comparing yourself to everyone else and just live your very best life in the body you have right now.

I really feel like I need to make a shift. If I don’t I’m going to easily fall into a depression. Some days I feel like I’m walking the line. The last month has been a thought one, filled with all sorts of emotions. We’ve had some major changes within our home and they’ve had me running the range from sad to angry to worried to happy. So freaking weird. I’ve also seen myself shut down into full preservation mode. Where I just stopped talking to anyone outside my house and focused only on what feeds my soul. I organized my garden area in the garage, planted my garden, shaped up my plants and painted my plant stands. I felt accomplished when I was done and I liked it. I listened to my podcasts and got dirty in the yard. It’s what I needed that day to recharge myself. No one in my house deserves me and my attitude when my tank is empty and it was running on fumes.

I keep threatening to start meditating. I think I really should start doing that. It wouldn’t hurt to see if that helps to recharge my tank daily rather that just filling it with food like I’ve been doing for a while.

I also need to continue to push myself to workout each day – even if that workout is yoga, because the endorphin boost is what I need each day – it’s just convincing my body to roll out of bed and throw on the workout clothes. Once they’re on, I know I’ll do the workout. The bonus for getting it done before the kids wake up is that I tend to have a little more patience for distance learning.

As usual, thanks for letting me vent. Today I’m going to come up with a plan of action because I need a change, a shift in focus.

XOXO,

Jenn

Checking In…

Well. It’s been a little over a week since I fell off the daily post train. I just got wrapped in what I was doing during the day and crashing at night. Same old, same old happening over here. I’ve been keeping my workouts going every morning. Averaging 60 minutes a day. I “feel” like it’s helping with hunger and overeating. The scale of course- the asshole that it is-tells me differently.

I weighed myself yesterday morning and shocker. The stupid scale still shows 225.

I’m frustrated. I am. I don’t even have a goal weight at this point other than not this weight. I think what really set me off was when my husband says…I weighed myself this morning and I’m down to 235. Are you kidding me. This dude worked out for like 2 weeks, then took 2 weeks off because of the flu and now he’s only 10lbs heavier than me. Come. On.

After exclaiming my disbelief that I’m only 10lbs less than his – he follows up with – well that should motivate you to stay that way? Yep. Then says – just try harder. Wow. Why didn’t I think of that.

I’m sure I am in some sort of denial about how many calories I consume daily but I also know how hard I work daily in my workouts. I’m giving them my all. I know your body isn’t made only in the gym. But good grief it must count for something? Either that or 40 sucks hard.

So here I am today. Tracking all the food. Taking all the measurements. Killing myself in the workouts. To see if something shifts in the next week.

So do I call this another restart? #1286816384839? 😂

Well. That felt good to get it all out! I’ll check back in next Sunday night and let you know if something changes this week. I’m still holding on to hope that it will all click.

XOXO

Day Seventeen … getting tired of these yet?

Y’all tired of reading about my boring days yet? Well. Today’s post is about some of the usual and then some of the gym thoughts I have.

I started the day with getting both kiddos off to school then I head over to the gym to try out a new Barre class they’re offering. I liked it, it was definitely challenging. My friend Kristin came to try it out today too.

It was a good burn for all the balance, weights and core we did. No complaints there.

A slower pace gave me a chance to kinda observe the room and get all in my head. I’m about to be super honest and vulnerable here. I don’t usually have time for all that self observation and negative self talk with the other workouts. I always hide in the back and try to position myself where I can’t see myself in the mirror. I’ve talked about this before – how I look to myself when I look down vs what the mirror shows me are two entirely different things. I’m far more confident in myself without the reflection! Does anyone else feel this way when they’re at the gym? I get hyper critical of myself and start picking apart how different I am from everyone else. I know I shouldn’t. I try and remind myself that I’m just as worthy to be there and I hustle through the workouts just like anyone else. I have “big girl” complex though. Every time. I hate that about myself. This is where my headspace was at today.

This. This is everything.

I really just need to stay focused on what I’m doing in my lane and never mind what’s happening over there.

Thanks for reading my babble. It feels good to write it out. Put it out there so it’s not taking up mental space anymore.

Today’s gratitude – pushing through and doing things no matter how tired I think I am. I did all my commitments today.

XOXO

Day Thirteen

Day thirteen and I’m still plugging along. Coughing up a storm but still going.

I slept in a little knowing I was heading to the gym after school drop off. I figured I could maybe sweat some of this cold? Whatever I have out during my weekly beat down at the gym. Fortunately I was too busy trying not to die during the 40 straight minutes of cardio with no warm up and a few tiny water breaks that I wasn’t coughing. Lol. I torch calories during these workouts at the gym. I only have a few visits left. Then I’ll have to figure out what comes next.

Energy Bounce Total Tone

I tracked all my food yesterday but did kind of go off the rails a little towards the end of the day. Once the kids are home and I have that “I don’t know what to do with myself vibe” – I tend to start seeking out food.

I just have to keep trying to do my best right?

Day 14 gratitude: That my oldest still seeks my opinion when he’s having a hard time. (Never easy for him so when he does it, it’s serious to him)

XOXO