It’s been a minute!

I know, I know it’s been a while since I posted, but sometimes I just feel like I don’t have any interesting content to share. The last time I published a post I shared how frustrated I was with my results. At the beginning of March I decided to reboot myself once again. Planning for success and managing what I ate. Shortly after the flu hit our house and workouts came to a shrieking halt and fortunately feeling crappy helped me not gain any weight during that time. After we all felt better and I got back to my workouts I didn’t skip a beat. Then I received the extra push I needed….

I was attending a function for the Boy Scout Troop my husband is Scoutmaster for. I was feeling GOOD that night. I wore a dress and heels, did up my hair and put on makeup. I was in love with the way I looked that night. I shared my picture and received lots of love – which was fortunate because at the event someone asked me if I was pregnant. I. Was. Devastated. I mustered up a smile and made a joke about it and kindly said no. Inside I was crushed. I had been working so hard. How come no one was seeing it?

So on April 1st I began Transform 20, well a modified schedule of it. To allow for me to continue taking classes at the gym until the end of the school year. I weighed myself on day one, along with my fat and BMI, then that’s it. I’m not letting the scale define me and I’m doing to do these daily workouts for the next seven weeks – NO MATTER WHAT. There are no excuses that are larger than my goal of feeling good. I’m not stopping until I love the body I’m in. Some days I’m playing the fake it til you make it game. Summer is coming and I’ll be damned if I’m going to be miserable.

Photo by Designecologist on Pexels.com

Below is my calendar for workouts, once the T20/Liift4 hybrid is released I’ll be adding that to roll me into June. I also hope to get back into posting more often because it feels good to share!

I’m still struggling!

Yup!  I sure am.  Yesterday I received a call for the life insurance that my husband and I applied for.  I was told that I received a sub-standard rating due to my “build”.  It was a tough blow.  Just hearing that was the reason, I wanted to cry.  Fortunately I had a friend there to listen to me and understand how I felt.  Because I didn’t get the same support at home from my husband.  Using “build” for determination on services feels so discriminatory.  How to you base a decision on weight/height ratios.  When all of the blood work you made me do shows how healthy I am when it comes to all of the other important things such as cholesterol, blood sugar, etc. Also, I’m lying…I did cry.  I cried a lot over this information.  Then reading it in black and white that because I am 5’7″ and on that day weighed 222 (fully dressed), I am deemed below standard.  It hurts, it burns, it really sucks.

This.  This is the kind of thing that makes things even worse for people like myself.  People that struggle with their confidence and fight body issues.  The body issues that cause you to want to eat to shove the feelings back down, then when your done you feel even worse.  I am lucky to have supportive friends, mother and solid promise to myself.  The promise that no matter what I don’t quit working out.  No matter how down I am.  No matter how much I hate myself that morning.  I get up, I move for at least 30 minutes and I put my everything into that workout.  I know this all seems harsh, but in all honestly that is how it is for me sometimes and I fight those demons daily.  Trying to focus on how strong I feel and how my clothes feel rather than the number on the scale.  

This all comes on the heels  of me trying to make better choices with the quality and quantity of food I consume.  I’ve also rolled back how much exercise I do daily.  I felt like I was over taxing my body.  I also came to grips with the fact that I am basically a toddler when it comes to food.  I love to graze all day rather than sit down and eat a meal.  So this week I tried something a little different and ate a regular lunch each day.  It’s made a difference in my snacking and in my weight.  

Thanks for letting me rant and get this off my chest.  Now I just need to move forward and continue to focus on bettering myself. XOXO