Progress Report

Y’all. I felt so much better after spilling my guts to you the other day. Seriously. Thank you to everyone that checked in with me too. It meant a lot.

On Saturday my husband pretty much forced me out of the house to go take a walk. We went to one of my favorite places, Bluff Point in Groton, CT. As much anxiety I had about going to the state park, it wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. We went much later in the afternoon so I’m sure that helped a little. The views are amazing and it made my soul heal a little seeing the ocean, feeling the sun and smelling the air.

I added a little over three miles to my September race and that felt good too! Totally making that goal this month.

We took in the sunset as we finished up our walk. Then found a local pizza place and shared a pizza in the van – since eating in a restaurant is super restrictive and really weird. Then we treated ourselves to some Friendlys ice cream before heading home. Taking the long way home and being out of the house for no other reason than to take a walk and a ride was really nice.

During the ride I also made a deal with myself. No more fucking around. I need to get real with trying to lose weight and stop feeling bad about myself. So many of you have heard me say this a million times before but I’ve upped the ante for myself this time. WHEN I lose 20ish pounds and get to 199- I need to hold or go below for two weeks – then I will add another tattoo to my right arm – starting my sleeve. That’s something I REALLY want so I’m going to push to make it happen. So I’m starting in the morning. I’m working on some meal planning and shopping lists to get me going. I’m excited mainly because I want to get that tattoo AND my husband gave me zero shit when I said that was what I wanted to reward myself with.

I’ll check in again soon. I’m excited. I’m gonna do this. Better start figuring out what flowers I want to add to my arm!

Thirty days later…

So I finished one whole month. One month of no skipped workouts and even adding something new to my workout routine…running! I’m making a comeback! My niece is training for her upcoming boot camp session for the Army National Guard, so I helped jump start her into running. We have different pacing and different motivation-not to mention she’s got 20 years on me! That’s what I keep reminding myself as I move slow and steady on my runs.

I also started tracking food with her on My Fitness Pal. I wanted to offer my full support on her health journey. Plus having someone to share the pain of calorie counting and logging helps right? I know it helps me, especially if I’m already figuring all the calorie amounts for her anyway! So for the month of June we logged everything for three weeks. I’ll admit that she dialed in a lot more seriously than I did, but it is what it is right? She has a lot more on the line than I do to stay fit and trim. It’s almost like she’s on The Biggest Loser with a new job with sign on bonus as the prize!

So after a month of no missed workouts, with quite a few doubles and tracking my food for 3 out of 4 weeks, I can say I lost 2.8lbs. I blame hypothyroidism for the slow weight loss plus I’m over 40. So the little picture above is more a reminder for me – that the scale is only a small part of your story. Unfortunately for me, there is A LOT of calorie and weight loss chatter in my house right now, so I have to remind myself to stay positive and stay on my course. Losing 2.8 is better than gaining it and I’m feeling strong and seeing some muscle gains in my arms and legs. (I see them, not sure if anyone else does lol)

Here’s my commitment for the rest of the summer. I closed all my rings every day in the month of June. My goal is to do that again in July and August. I’ll continue to torture myself by tracking my food, because I guess it worked lol. It’s honestly the worst and I really miss treats. This weekend I will indulge myself for my oldest’s 12th birthday. I ordered some breakfast treats from a high school friend and of course I’ll make a cake! It’s all about balance right? One day of apps and cake isn’t going to break my stride. It’s only one day. Plus I’ll track it and move on to stay in the practice of tracking.

I’ll finish up my check in with some things I found in the boredom of trying to stay out of the public as much as possible. I joined one of those Facebook groups that is for women only and they drop small gift baskets for one another. I’ve done several small mail ones and have loved the response. Creating personal connections is nice. I’ve also joined a couple of running groups and pages – Kelly Roberts – Badass Lady Gang, Fat Girl Running and a few others. I’m looking for more positivity in my daily feed aligning with where I should be mentally. Battling with depression and anxiety during this time has been just that, a battle – so exercising and finding the positives are where it’s at for me.

I’m also trying one of those virtual runs with YesFit. I picked the Athena run – 24.9 total miles, at your own pace. I’ll earn a medal for completing it. It keeps me wanting to complete the runs 3X a week. Honestly anything that keeps me moving and out of my own head is a godsend right now. Let me know if you’ve ever done one of these virtual runs. I’d love to get some feedback – there’s a llama run that I want to do next because the medal is super cute!

XOXO Jenn

Checking in from coronacation

I’m here, I’m checking in, how are you all doing during this crazy mixed up time? I know I’ve been riding the roller coaster of emotions over here!

We’re 30 some odd days into this stay at home, self quarantine thing and I honestly thought it would be easier! In general I love flying solo on most things and keep myself busy with things around the house. I used to like the quiet “me” time that I would have after dropping the kids at school. Sometimes that was coming home and working in the office and sometimes that was just poking around at Target or IKEA. That’s not a thing right now and it’s kinda sad. The other places I liked to go and decompress are still available – state parks and walking trails. However, the amount of people at those locations are insane right now! So I’ve honestly been avoiding them as much as possible. Even the Geocaching that we were doing became a downer when you realize it’s hard to even find a place to do that where it won’t be swamped with people.

Now before anyone gets the wrong idea – I totally respect the reason all of this is happening and I am trying my best to follow all of the rules. Such as staying at home as much as possible, only going to the store once a week and I wear a mask when I do. The stores are another tough one for me. The anxiety before heading to the store and while at the store is insane. Mostly because I feel like I’m feeding off everyone else’s emotions while I’m there. Last week when I went to the grocery it almost felt normal. Almost all of the things that were on my list were available and there were also only a few people in the store (new occupancy rules plus bad weather for the win). I’m planning on hitting the stores again tomorrow since there is rain and thunderstorms in the forecast haha.

I’ve been relying on anxiety medication to help me through the super tough times. There are a lot of days that I feel depression type symptoms creeping in. Zero motivation, walking around like a mopey sad bitch, and getting nothing done. It also didn’t help that last week the kids were on “spring break” – so there wasn’t any pressing items to do every day. At least this week we are back to distance learning – so I have a reason to roll my ass out of bed. I feel like I need to start making a commitment to doing SOMETHING during the day – exercising NEEDS to be one of them. I generally feel better after a workout, however fighting the looming depression/anxiety has been a chore. My kids don’t deserve depression mom, so I’ve been trying my very best and exhausting that toolbox to keep as positive as possible.

I guess I can finish up this post with my commitments for the week and also the fact that I see all of you out there in the same boat. I get it and I’m here if anyone wants to connect, because lets face it, this shit sucks.

XOXO, Jenn

Day Eighteen…I almost threw in the towel

Yep. Day 18 had me in sad bitch mode and wanting to quit it all.

I ate multiple bags of cookies while running my errands this morning – why? Who knows but there I was eating them like it was my job!

My schedule has been off this week so I’m of course blaming everything on that. This morning I didn’t get my workout in before the kids went to school because I had to get Nate to the bus stop this morning again because Al is still fighting off whatever bug he has. Then I came home and cleaned the kitchen because I left it in hot mess status at bedtime last night.

I just wasn’t feeling it today. Still feeling self conscious I guess. It was one of those days where one thing after another goes wrong. Nothing major. Just the type of shit that just screws up your day.

I’m heading off to bed with the mindset that tomorrow is going to be better. I’ll get back on track with everything and back on my “healthy me” path.

Gratitude today : recognizing sad bitch and setting a limit on it.

XOXO

Day Seventeen … getting tired of these yet?

Y’all tired of reading about my boring days yet? Well. Today’s post is about some of the usual and then some of the gym thoughts I have.

I started the day with getting both kiddos off to school then I head over to the gym to try out a new Barre class they’re offering. I liked it, it was definitely challenging. My friend Kristin came to try it out today too.

It was a good burn for all the balance, weights and core we did. No complaints there.

A slower pace gave me a chance to kinda observe the room and get all in my head. I’m about to be super honest and vulnerable here. I don’t usually have time for all that self observation and negative self talk with the other workouts. I always hide in the back and try to position myself where I can’t see myself in the mirror. I’ve talked about this before – how I look to myself when I look down vs what the mirror shows me are two entirely different things. I’m far more confident in myself without the reflection! Does anyone else feel this way when they’re at the gym? I get hyper critical of myself and start picking apart how different I am from everyone else. I know I shouldn’t. I try and remind myself that I’m just as worthy to be there and I hustle through the workouts just like anyone else. I have “big girl” complex though. Every time. I hate that about myself. This is where my headspace was at today.

This. This is everything.

I really just need to stay focused on what I’m doing in my lane and never mind what’s happening over there.

Thanks for reading my babble. It feels good to write it out. Put it out there so it’s not taking up mental space anymore.

Today’s gratitude – pushing through and doing things no matter how tired I think I am. I did all my commitments today.

XOXO