It’s been a minute!

I know, I know it’s been a while since I posted, but sometimes I just feel like I don’t have any interesting content to share. The last time I published a post I shared how frustrated I was with my results. At the beginning of March I decided to reboot myself once again. Planning for success and managing what I ate. Shortly after the flu hit our house and workouts came to a shrieking halt and fortunately feeling crappy helped me not gain any weight during that time. After we all felt better and I got back to my workouts I didn’t skip a beat. Then I received the extra push I needed….

I was attending a function for the Boy Scout Troop my husband is Scoutmaster for. I was feeling GOOD that night. I wore a dress and heels, did up my hair and put on makeup. I was in love with the way I looked that night. I shared my picture and received lots of love – which was fortunate because at the event someone asked me if I was pregnant. I. Was. Devastated. I mustered up a smile and made a joke about it and kindly said no. Inside I was crushed. I had been working so hard. How come no one was seeing it?

So on April 1st I began Transform 20, well a modified schedule of it. To allow for me to continue taking classes at the gym until the end of the school year. I weighed myself on day one, along with my fat and BMI, then that’s it. I’m not letting the scale define me and I’m doing to do these daily workouts for the next seven weeks – NO MATTER WHAT. There are no excuses that are larger than my goal of feeling good. I’m not stopping until I love the body I’m in. Some days I’m playing the fake it til you make it game. Summer is coming and I’ll be damned if I’m going to be miserable.

Photo by Designecologist on Pexels.com

Below is my calendar for workouts, once the T20/Liift4 hybrid is released I’ll be adding that to roll me into June. I also hope to get back into posting more often because it feels good to share!

I’m Still Here!

I know I haven’t been posting. I had a million and one excuses as to why I haven’t posted. But the real talk reason is I’ve been stuck in my head so much that I haven’t really wanted to post anything. But now…I need to rant. (Also, just to put it out there – I’m not looking for any “miracle diets”. I just want to complain. I know what I need to do. My mind and probably my thyroid have other plans,)

I’ve been doing the second round of Beachbody’s Liift4 and I’m definitely getting stronger. I actually just finished today! My results aren’t what I dreamed them to be. I, like everyone else, expect immediate results and expect them to be dramatic. Obviously neither of those things happened. This time around I did take a before and after picture. I also took measurements and kept track of my weights. The freaking measurements didn’t change! WTF

I’m annoyed. I know my food is less than on point. But I also know it hasn’t been horrible. I’ve never been successful at restricting my diet. But I have been choosing my calories more thoughtfully. I hoped that my exercise and better food choices would have made a difference. Agh!

So my next move? Learn to stop judging myself. Seriously. Because I’ve been hypercritical of myself. When I don’t look in the mirror I’m happy with what I see. Happy with what my minds wye pictures. But as soon as I catch my reflection I’m brought back to all the negativity. How do you change that? How do you look in the mirror and appreciate what you see? I hate having all these insecurities. I hide them as best as I can but the mean girl in my head is LOUD!

I wish I had the ability to have a trainer, to kick my ass and push the extra discipline I need. It’s just not in the cards for me right now. So I need to keep trying my best at home and with one class a week at the gym.

Here goes nothing. On to another program this week. I haven’t decided which one….. I need to do some quick research so I can start in the morning.

Here are my before and after photos before I go. I figure I took them, so I might as well share them.

Pray for a miracle this time around for your girl! Haha

I’m still struggling!

Yup!  I sure am.  Yesterday I received a call for the life insurance that my husband and I applied for.  I was told that I received a sub-standard rating due to my “build”.  It was a tough blow.  Just hearing that was the reason, I wanted to cry.  Fortunately I had a friend there to listen to me and understand how I felt.  Because I didn’t get the same support at home from my husband.  Using “build” for determination on services feels so discriminatory.  How to you base a decision on weight/height ratios.  When all of the blood work you made me do shows how healthy I am when it comes to all of the other important things such as cholesterol, blood sugar, etc. Also, I’m lying…I did cry.  I cried a lot over this information.  Then reading it in black and white that because I am 5’7″ and on that day weighed 222 (fully dressed), I am deemed below standard.  It hurts, it burns, it really sucks.

This.  This is the kind of thing that makes things even worse for people like myself.  People that struggle with their confidence and fight body issues.  The body issues that cause you to want to eat to shove the feelings back down, then when your done you feel even worse.  I am lucky to have supportive friends, mother and solid promise to myself.  The promise that no matter what I don’t quit working out.  No matter how down I am.  No matter how much I hate myself that morning.  I get up, I move for at least 30 minutes and I put my everything into that workout.  I know this all seems harsh, but in all honestly that is how it is for me sometimes and I fight those demons daily.  Trying to focus on how strong I feel and how my clothes feel rather than the number on the scale.  

This all comes on the heels  of me trying to make better choices with the quality and quantity of food I consume.  I’ve also rolled back how much exercise I do daily.  I felt like I was over taxing my body.  I also came to grips with the fact that I am basically a toddler when it comes to food.  I love to graze all day rather than sit down and eat a meal.  So this week I tried something a little different and ate a regular lunch each day.  It’s made a difference in my snacking and in my weight.  

Thanks for letting me rant and get this off my chest.  Now I just need to move forward and continue to focus on bettering myself. XOXO

It’s Monday!

So that means a new week and new measurements! Y’all. I thought I was killing it this week. BUT I’m also sure that the amount of Halloween candy I’ve been consuming is offsetting those awesome efforts! I also haven’t been tracking my calorie intake. It’s just SO much work! (Insert whining voice)

The amount of exercise I’ve logged daily is exciting for me. I ran on Wednesday for “fun” and on Sunday with my oldest son. What an awesome feeling that was. Helping him finish his first 5K and I felt STRONG!

So for this next week. My plan is 80/20. Today was my 20 day. Queso for dinner. The rest of the week I need to be on. I have to track and must be mindful of what I eat. Today is a tough day on the calendar for me. So I’ve allowed myself to deal with it in the most familiar of ways. Food. But moving forward I will also start working on a healthier way to work through stressful times. Dealing with my “food issues”. Which is something I’m working on with one of my good friends.

On Friday I’ll check in with my progress.

XO

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Friday Feels

e33d2616d398798174a5f98806eda7a9--hello-friday-art-quotesHere we are again – it’s Friday!  I’ve had a decent start to this week.  I filled it with lots of movement.  Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday I hit my basement at 5am to get my Liift4 on with my virtual workout buddy Shannon.  A few of those days I added cycling on after that was complete.  Other days I went back to bed for 45 minutes -HA!  It’s all about balance right?  On Wednesday during my recovery day I did some restorative yoga, then in the afternoon I hit the road for a run/walk before picking up the kids.  Then hoofed it around for trick or treating with the kids.  I knew candy was on the horizon and I can’t pass that up!  Not to mention Shannon was putting the hustle on this week, so I had no excuse to be lazy!

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img_2339Beginning in November I decided I should start counting calories too.  Because as I mentioned in Monday’s post no matter how hard I work out, if I continue to eat like shit the scale will NEVER change.  Remembering to track it all is the tough part.  I tend to graze all the time.  So I would like to tackle that too.  Eating meals, rather than snacking all day.  I’m effectively a toddler – I snack all day and hate veggies.  Haha!  I spent some time looking up all the popular candies I like to eat so I can help keep myself accountable. (see my list below)  Because if I’m being real, I will still eat the candy.  I just need to moderate it.  So if you ever see me pass up candy or coffee – be concerned.

I also need to drink more water.  Staying accountable with friends is something I plan on doing this month.  Staying hydrated is such an important part of any weight loss regime.  It helps to suppress your appetite, boost your metabolism and cleanse your body of waste.  So drink that water!!

I’m going to continue with my gratitude journal.  I did the first 30 days with no misses.  I plan to continue this practice long past the 90 days.  I think it’s so important to take a few minutes a day to think about how great you really have it.  Some days might be a stretch but you’d be surprised that you can come up with at least 10 per day, usually without a problem.

See you Monday for my measurements!  I’m looking forward to what happens.  I’ve worked hard this week and have a 5K with my son on Sunday!

XO

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