Checking in from coronacation

I’m here, I’m checking in, how are you all doing during this crazy mixed up time? I know I’ve been riding the roller coaster of emotions over here!

We’re 30 some odd days into this stay at home, self quarantine thing and I honestly thought it would be easier! In general I love flying solo on most things and keep myself busy with things around the house. I used to like the quiet “me” time that I would have after dropping the kids at school. Sometimes that was coming home and working in the office and sometimes that was just poking around at Target or IKEA. That’s not a thing right now and it’s kinda sad. The other places I liked to go and decompress are still available – state parks and walking trails. However, the amount of people at those locations are insane right now! So I’ve honestly been avoiding them as much as possible. Even the Geocaching that we were doing became a downer when you realize it’s hard to even find a place to do that where it won’t be swamped with people.

Now before anyone gets the wrong idea – I totally respect the reason all of this is happening and I am trying my best to follow all of the rules. Such as staying at home as much as possible, only going to the store once a week and I wear a mask when I do. The stores are another tough one for me. The anxiety before heading to the store and while at the store is insane. Mostly because I feel like I’m feeding off everyone else’s emotions while I’m there. Last week when I went to the grocery it almost felt normal. Almost all of the things that were on my list were available and there were also only a few people in the store (new occupancy rules plus bad weather for the win). I’m planning on hitting the stores again tomorrow since there is rain and thunderstorms in the forecast haha.

I’ve been relying on anxiety medication to help me through the super tough times. There are a lot of days that I feel depression type symptoms creeping in. Zero motivation, walking around like a mopey sad bitch, and getting nothing done. It also didn’t help that last week the kids were on “spring break” – so there wasn’t any pressing items to do every day. At least this week we are back to distance learning – so I have a reason to roll my ass out of bed. I feel like I need to start making a commitment to doing SOMETHING during the day – exercising NEEDS to be one of them. I generally feel better after a workout, however fighting the looming depression/anxiety has been a chore. My kids don’t deserve depression mom, so I’ve been trying my very best and exhausting that toolbox to keep as positive as possible.

I guess I can finish up this post with my commitments for the week and also the fact that I see all of you out there in the same boat. I get it and I’m here if anyone wants to connect, because lets face it, this shit sucks.

XOXO, Jenn

Checking In…

Well. It’s been a little over a week since I fell off the daily post train. I just got wrapped in what I was doing during the day and crashing at night. Same old, same old happening over here. I’ve been keeping my workouts going every morning. Averaging 60 minutes a day. I “feel” like it’s helping with hunger and overeating. The scale of course- the asshole that it is-tells me differently.

I weighed myself yesterday morning and shocker. The stupid scale still shows 225.

I’m frustrated. I am. I don’t even have a goal weight at this point other than not this weight. I think what really set me off was when my husband says…I weighed myself this morning and I’m down to 235. Are you kidding me. This dude worked out for like 2 weeks, then took 2 weeks off because of the flu and now he’s only 10lbs heavier than me. Come. On.

After exclaiming my disbelief that I’m only 10lbs less than his – he follows up with – well that should motivate you to stay that way? Yep. Then says – just try harder. Wow. Why didn’t I think of that.

I’m sure I am in some sort of denial about how many calories I consume daily but I also know how hard I work daily in my workouts. I’m giving them my all. I know your body isn’t made only in the gym. But good grief it must count for something? Either that or 40 sucks hard.

So here I am today. Tracking all the food. Taking all the measurements. Killing myself in the workouts. To see if something shifts in the next week.

So do I call this another restart? #1286816384839? 😂

Well. That felt good to get it all out! I’ll check back in next Sunday night and let you know if something changes this week. I’m still holding on to hope that it will all click.

XOXO

Day Nineteen – Feeling Better

Day 19 I felt like I was back in the groove.

I had a dentist appointment scheduled for after school drop offs so I did wake up with an anxiety attack. I find a visit to the dentist stressful, I’m always worried that I have another cavity or tooth problem they’re going to find and that of course means big money flying out of my wallet. We don’t have dental insurance, so we pay out of pocket for everything each time we go. Not to mention who wants to have any kind of dental work! Fortunately I got the all clear, so that made me feel better.

After getting home from my appointment I threw on my workout gear and did Morning Meltdown cardio and then out to the garage I went to do tabata trampoline. I’m in the last 20 days of Morning Meltdown, I really like this program. The layout of having 10 different workouts that rotate and change keeps you from getting bored.

Doing a hardcore cardio session seems to help keep my overeating at bay too. I do need to find a balance of what keeps my body nourished after pushing my body like that. I’m determined to find something that works all the way around.

I have a light schedule for Friday so I’ll spend some time putting my office back together. I spilled a whole cup of coffee on my desk Wednesday- I cleaned up the coffee but haven’t had a chance to put everything back where it goes. Not to mention over the last week I dumped a bunch of stuff on my desk to “be put away”. I need the space clear to work on my Etsy stuff tomorrow.

Today’s gratitude-staying focused when I have back to back appointments and meetings.

XOXO

Day Seventeen … getting tired of these yet?

Y’all tired of reading about my boring days yet? Well. Today’s post is about some of the usual and then some of the gym thoughts I have.

I started the day with getting both kiddos off to school then I head over to the gym to try out a new Barre class they’re offering. I liked it, it was definitely challenging. My friend Kristin came to try it out today too.

It was a good burn for all the balance, weights and core we did. No complaints there.

A slower pace gave me a chance to kinda observe the room and get all in my head. I’m about to be super honest and vulnerable here. I don’t usually have time for all that self observation and negative self talk with the other workouts. I always hide in the back and try to position myself where I can’t see myself in the mirror. I’ve talked about this before – how I look to myself when I look down vs what the mirror shows me are two entirely different things. I’m far more confident in myself without the reflection! Does anyone else feel this way when they’re at the gym? I get hyper critical of myself and start picking apart how different I am from everyone else. I know I shouldn’t. I try and remind myself that I’m just as worthy to be there and I hustle through the workouts just like anyone else. I have “big girl” complex though. Every time. I hate that about myself. This is where my headspace was at today.

This. This is everything.

I really just need to stay focused on what I’m doing in my lane and never mind what’s happening over there.

Thanks for reading my babble. It feels good to write it out. Put it out there so it’s not taking up mental space anymore.

Today’s gratitude – pushing through and doing things no matter how tired I think I am. I did all my commitments today.

XOXO

Day Sixteen

Day sixteen was a day off for the kiddos. So that meant sleeping in a little later and a more relaxed schedule. I got up and pulled a double workout. Something I’m going to try this week is getting in at least an hour of exercise a day. I found that on my gym days where I workout (until I feel like I may die with cardio) I’m less likely to over eat throughout the rest of the day. Weird since you’d assume the opposite. I did my usual Morning Meltdown-Fight Club (my least favorite) then went out to the garage to give my new trampoline a try! I found one similar to the ones from the gym for a 1/3 of the price – so I jumped on it. I threw together a 30 minute tabata workout on the fly.

MM100 – Fight Club
30 min Tabata Tramp

After my workouts I had some breakfast and put away the mounds of laundry sitting on my dining room table. I put it all there so I have no choice but to put it away. Otherwise I’ll live out of the laundry baskets sitting in my bedroom or hallway.

It looked to be a good weather day so my friend Kim said she was going to take the kids on a hike and asked us to join. Only James was interested – so we threw ourselves together and hit the road with a backpack lunch. Hiking with 5 kids is always an adventure. Lots of “don’t do this and stop that”. We made it to the summit and had our lunch before heading back down. It was a nice day out with our friends.

Case Mountain-Manchester, CT

Tomorrow I’m off to try Barre at the gym. My body is beat from today. Hopefully I’ll recuperate overnight.

I almost forgot! I tracked all my food!

I need more protein and less carbs in my life. 😬

Day 16 Gratitude: that I’m able to do the workouts and take the walks. Sometimes we take that for granted.

XOXO