Thirty days later…

So I finished one whole month. One month of no skipped workouts and even adding something new to my workout routine…running! I’m making a comeback! My niece is training for her upcoming boot camp session for the Army National Guard, so I helped jump start her into running. We have different pacing and different motivation-not to mention she’s got 20 years on me! That’s what I keep reminding myself as I move slow and steady on my runs.

I also started tracking food with her on My Fitness Pal. I wanted to offer my full support on her health journey. Plus having someone to share the pain of calorie counting and logging helps right? I know it helps me, especially if I’m already figuring all the calorie amounts for her anyway! So for the month of June we logged everything for three weeks. I’ll admit that she dialed in a lot more seriously than I did, but it is what it is right? She has a lot more on the line than I do to stay fit and trim. It’s almost like she’s on The Biggest Loser with a new job with sign on bonus as the prize!

So after a month of no missed workouts, with quite a few doubles and tracking my food for 3 out of 4 weeks, I can say I lost 2.8lbs. I blame hypothyroidism for the slow weight loss plus I’m over 40. So the little picture above is more a reminder for me – that the scale is only a small part of your story. Unfortunately for me, there is A LOT of calorie and weight loss chatter in my house right now, so I have to remind myself to stay positive and stay on my course. Losing 2.8 is better than gaining it and I’m feeling strong and seeing some muscle gains in my arms and legs. (I see them, not sure if anyone else does lol)

Here’s my commitment for the rest of the summer. I closed all my rings every day in the month of June. My goal is to do that again in July and August. I’ll continue to torture myself by tracking my food, because I guess it worked lol. It’s honestly the worst and I really miss treats. This weekend I will indulge myself for my oldest’s 12th birthday. I ordered some breakfast treats from a high school friend and of course I’ll make a cake! It’s all about balance right? One day of apps and cake isn’t going to break my stride. It’s only one day. Plus I’ll track it and move on to stay in the practice of tracking.

I’ll finish up my check in with some things I found in the boredom of trying to stay out of the public as much as possible. I joined one of those Facebook groups that is for women only and they drop small gift baskets for one another. I’ve done several small mail ones and have loved the response. Creating personal connections is nice. I’ve also joined a couple of running groups and pages – Kelly Roberts – Badass Lady Gang, Fat Girl Running and a few others. I’m looking for more positivity in my daily feed aligning with where I should be mentally. Battling with depression and anxiety during this time has been just that, a battle – so exercising and finding the positives are where it’s at for me.

I’m also trying one of those virtual runs with YesFit. I picked the Athena run – 24.9 total miles, at your own pace. I’ll earn a medal for completing it. It keeps me wanting to complete the runs 3X a week. Honestly anything that keeps me moving and out of my own head is a godsend right now. Let me know if you’ve ever done one of these virtual runs. I’d love to get some feedback – there’s a llama run that I want to do next because the medal is super cute!

XOXO Jenn

Am I really restarting again?

I know, I know. I just restarted. Starting the last time on a Thursday kind of messed me up, because I like my rest day to be on Sunday. Instead it was falling on Wednesday. Sundays are for family pancake breakfasts and hanging out on the porch drinking coffee right now, not a hardcore workout.

So I took a few days off and kicked my week off on Monday with Tabata Trampoline 30 minutes. Per usual I didn’t want to get up and do it, but I got it done before getting the kids going for the day. This whole endless summer/covidcation is making motivation a difficult task. Don’t be shocked, but I haven’t been tracking my food like I wanted to either. I just can’t get into that habit, it feels so overwhelming. I’m open to suggestions if anyone has them on how they do it, I’d love to hear them.

Updated Calendar

I’m on day 2, since trampoline was yesterday and this morning was upbeat strength. I’m making the commitment to NOT change this again and do it for the month of June. I’d love to see some changes happen. As much as I’m sick of my own excuses, crawling out of the brink of depression is harder. I feel like I am constantly battling with the inner voices that tell me I’m not good enough or trying hard enough. I don’t share this to be a sad bitch or for pity, but in case someone else is fight long the same things. Because as I’ve said before – depression is a tricky bitch, she gets you thinking she’s right…that you are just a sad person…poor me, right? Wrong, she’s wrong. Just proving it to yourself is the hard part.

I’ll check in again on Monday morning after completing the week – to report how it went. I also plan to catch up on reading Girl, Wash your face – I slacked off there too. Oops.

XOXO, Jenn

Checking in from coronacation

I’m here, I’m checking in, how are you all doing during this crazy mixed up time? I know I’ve been riding the roller coaster of emotions over here!

We’re 30 some odd days into this stay at home, self quarantine thing and I honestly thought it would be easier! In general I love flying solo on most things and keep myself busy with things around the house. I used to like the quiet “me” time that I would have after dropping the kids at school. Sometimes that was coming home and working in the office and sometimes that was just poking around at Target or IKEA. That’s not a thing right now and it’s kinda sad. The other places I liked to go and decompress are still available – state parks and walking trails. However, the amount of people at those locations are insane right now! So I’ve honestly been avoiding them as much as possible. Even the Geocaching that we were doing became a downer when you realize it’s hard to even find a place to do that where it won’t be swamped with people.

Now before anyone gets the wrong idea – I totally respect the reason all of this is happening and I am trying my best to follow all of the rules. Such as staying at home as much as possible, only going to the store once a week and I wear a mask when I do. The stores are another tough one for me. The anxiety before heading to the store and while at the store is insane. Mostly because I feel like I’m feeding off everyone else’s emotions while I’m there. Last week when I went to the grocery it almost felt normal. Almost all of the things that were on my list were available and there were also only a few people in the store (new occupancy rules plus bad weather for the win). I’m planning on hitting the stores again tomorrow since there is rain and thunderstorms in the forecast haha.

I’ve been relying on anxiety medication to help me through the super tough times. There are a lot of days that I feel depression type symptoms creeping in. Zero motivation, walking around like a mopey sad bitch, and getting nothing done. It also didn’t help that last week the kids were on “spring break” – so there wasn’t any pressing items to do every day. At least this week we are back to distance learning – so I have a reason to roll my ass out of bed. I feel like I need to start making a commitment to doing SOMETHING during the day – exercising NEEDS to be one of them. I generally feel better after a workout, however fighting the looming depression/anxiety has been a chore. My kids don’t deserve depression mom, so I’ve been trying my very best and exhausting that toolbox to keep as positive as possible.

I guess I can finish up this post with my commitments for the week and also the fact that I see all of you out there in the same boat. I get it and I’m here if anyone wants to connect, because lets face it, this shit sucks.

XOXO, Jenn

Checking In…

Well. It’s been a little over a week since I fell off the daily post train. I just got wrapped in what I was doing during the day and crashing at night. Same old, same old happening over here. I’ve been keeping my workouts going every morning. Averaging 60 minutes a day. I “feel” like it’s helping with hunger and overeating. The scale of course- the asshole that it is-tells me differently.

I weighed myself yesterday morning and shocker. The stupid scale still shows 225.

I’m frustrated. I am. I don’t even have a goal weight at this point other than not this weight. I think what really set me off was when my husband says…I weighed myself this morning and I’m down to 235. Are you kidding me. This dude worked out for like 2 weeks, then took 2 weeks off because of the flu and now he’s only 10lbs heavier than me. Come. On.

After exclaiming my disbelief that I’m only 10lbs less than his – he follows up with – well that should motivate you to stay that way? Yep. Then says – just try harder. Wow. Why didn’t I think of that.

I’m sure I am in some sort of denial about how many calories I consume daily but I also know how hard I work daily in my workouts. I’m giving them my all. I know your body isn’t made only in the gym. But good grief it must count for something? Either that or 40 sucks hard.

So here I am today. Tracking all the food. Taking all the measurements. Killing myself in the workouts. To see if something shifts in the next week.

So do I call this another restart? #1286816384839? 😂

Well. That felt good to get it all out! I’ll check back in next Sunday night and let you know if something changes this week. I’m still holding on to hope that it will all click.

XOXO

Day Nineteen – Feeling Better

Day 19 I felt like I was back in the groove.

I had a dentist appointment scheduled for after school drop offs so I did wake up with an anxiety attack. I find a visit to the dentist stressful, I’m always worried that I have another cavity or tooth problem they’re going to find and that of course means big money flying out of my wallet. We don’t have dental insurance, so we pay out of pocket for everything each time we go. Not to mention who wants to have any kind of dental work! Fortunately I got the all clear, so that made me feel better.

After getting home from my appointment I threw on my workout gear and did Morning Meltdown cardio and then out to the garage I went to do tabata trampoline. I’m in the last 20 days of Morning Meltdown, I really like this program. The layout of having 10 different workouts that rotate and change keeps you from getting bored.

Doing a hardcore cardio session seems to help keep my overeating at bay too. I do need to find a balance of what keeps my body nourished after pushing my body like that. I’m determined to find something that works all the way around.

I have a light schedule for Friday so I’ll spend some time putting my office back together. I spilled a whole cup of coffee on my desk Wednesday- I cleaned up the coffee but haven’t had a chance to put everything back where it goes. Not to mention over the last week I dumped a bunch of stuff on my desk to “be put away”. I need the space clear to work on my Etsy stuff tomorrow.

Today’s gratitude-staying focused when I have back to back appointments and meetings.

XOXO