Checking In

Let me start off by saying, this is a way for me to get it out, a way of journaling. By sharing it here I feel like I might help someone else know they aren’t alone in feeling the way that I do. I talked about this last night with my husband and he listened – but I really think he just doesn’t understand all the emotions (or lack there of) that I’m experiencing. So if you aren’t into reading about all my current woes then here’s your chance to bail.

When we started “stay home, stay safe” for COVID back in March, I thought it would be fine – temporary. I figured I was home most of the time anyway. How hard could it be. Then weeks turned into months and shit just kept getting weirder in the world. All of the things I enjoyed doing – grocery shopping, regular shopping, visiting state parks, geocaching- the list goes on, became an unpleasant experience. Grocery Shopping felt like the Hunger Games and only now feel slightly better. Shopping at Target or Walmart is depressing – shelves are bare and everyone looks sad. I haven’t even tried to go to one of my favorite places – IKEA – because I just don’t want to ruin it for myself. I just don’t find it to be an enjoyable experience anymore – now I only go to the store for purpose or necessity. State Parks are busy and limited capacity – when before some of my favorite places were near empty. I haven’t even gone to some of my favorite nearby places to visit for the same reason – not wanting to ruin the memory of it. I miss my summer trips to Newport, Salem and Mystic.

We’ve also had some crazy family stuff happen during all this and there’s all sorts of emotions that happen with that. I only mention them to add to “where I’m at”, but haven’t really shared much outside of my house. There are some things that are meant to stay in house. It’s just been… emotional.

I’ve been trying to keep my boys out of the general public during all of this too. I hate seeing them wearing masks. Yes, I know the importance for wearing a mask – so don’t come at me for that. That’s why I just keep them home as much as possible. I don’t take them out for errands if at all possible and we are keeping them home this fall to continue distance learning for this same reason. I think the mask wearing and social distancing will be more detrimental than keeping them home with me. I am hopeful it’s short term. Most of my friends are sending their kids back in person. I respect them for that. It’s a tough decision either way. I wish I could do it too, but I also think my anxiety would be in high gear all the time. Keeping them home with me if for my mental health too. Hopefully I won’t have to fight with them as much this time around to do the work!

So after all of that, I completely lost my mojo about a month ago. I took a week off from working out, that turned into two and now I’m pushing four. I’m sleeping late and can barely find the motivation to do the simple day to day stuff. Yesterday was the eye opener for me that I am on depression’s doorstep y’all. I’m about to knock to have her let me in to join in her misery. I’ve got all the classic signs. I know them well. I’ve travelled this road a few times, it’s been a while since my last visit and I’m really wanting to bypass this stay. By classic signs – for me – I mean – no joy in the things that used to make me happy, not working at my fun job (my Etsy shop) as much as I would like, feeling empty, stopping working out, getting up late, going to bed early, not wanting to socialize with friends as much, not wanting to leave the house, eating…a lot, but then not wanting to cook dinner. There’s some of the things I’ve noticed. There’s also a lot of negative self talk happening and constant jealousy of anyone experiencing success-in anything- I have no limits on that one. It’s an awful trait that I tend to have. Comparison to others is a toxic trail to take. I need to pull a u-turn and come back to home base on that. It makes me feel ugly and pulls me deeper into where I don’t want to be.

I’m hoping that by writing this and sharing what I’m trying to do will help me climb out and get back to “normal”. I want to workout (weirdo right?) because my awful body issues are also rearing too. I keep thinking – “if I lose 10, 20, blah blah pounds I’ll for sure feel better” – then I eat two snickers ice cream cones – yep that happened yesterday. Here’s the thing, my brain knows that working out provides endorphins. Those endorphins after 30/60 minutes of exercise can be similar to taking an antidepressant. It’s proven to work if you can get your depressed ass moving. BUT THAT’S THE STUPID CRAZY PART! You’re so deep in your head that you talk yourself out of getting those endorphins!

I committed myself to a 18.9 mile virtual race this month. That I told myself I would complete by the last day of September. That means I have to move at least the amount of time it takes me to complete those nearly 19 miles. If I walk for 15 minutes a day I’ll hit my goal. I have to do something to motivate myself because the idea of being uncomfortable in my skin isn’t quite enough right now.

At the same time I’ve been trying to eat a little better. But that’s truly laughable, because who eats right when they’re stressed and feeling miserable. I’m trying to track what I eat and I even signed up for a nutrition webinar in about a week. We’ll see how that goes.

If you’re still with me-thank you. I’d like (to try again) to update more regularly. I mean I pay for this freaking blog, you’d think I’d publish more. (Facepalm) My kids are heading back to school (in my office) on the 10th – so wish me luck. I need to find that “me” time quickly in order to manage having them here all day again. Just sitting in the office with me from 7:30 to 3 every day. At least the first two days are early release?

Sustainability – Sunday Thoughts

Something that has been on my mind a lot lately is all of the different weight loss and “healthy lifestyle” programs that are out there. Now let me begin by saying that whatever program you choose has to be what’s right for you and I don’t judge anyone’s personal choice. This is just me being honest and sharing what’s best for me.
What’s not a surprise is I’ve been struggling to lose weight. I feel like I’ve been in battle for the past 4.5 years-since having James aka baby #2. I’ve run the gamut during this time of different programs. From seeing a dietician that had a fat and weight loss formula – which I liked the program because it was focused on eating “real” foods to doing a few Standard Process Cleanses with supplements and protein shakes to Weight Watchers – off and on between these other programs. During all of this I never really focused on exercise. I focused on the scale and how quickly I could get that number down. 

One thing I learned quickly is that I struggled drinking those shakes daily. Keeping them fresh and enjoyable was a nearly impossible for me. Now don’t get me wrong I still like a nice cold smoothie every now and again, but as a filler, not a meal. I also had a hard time keeping up with the supplement regime that some of the plans demanded to get ultimate results. I barely remember to take my thyroid medication each morning let alone a anything else!

I’ve noticed lately there is such a push for “quick and easy” plans that focus on losing weight through these “vitamin filled/nutrition packed” smoothies and shakes.  Other than Weight Watchers I don’t see anything or anyone that pushes you towards eating real foods. This is why I ultimately keep coming back to Weight Watchers. Because these other programs haven’t been sustainable for me. Shoot, sometimes Weight Watchers isn’t!

Figuring out a balance for eating real foods and incorporating the right amount of daily exercise is my focus right now. I want to make meals that I can feed my whole family instead of making a bunch of different meals every night.  As most moms do – I already make something special for one kiddo (which I pray ends soon), I don’t want to make separate meals for me too!  Now my hubby fully supports eating healthy meals – matter of fact, he’s love it if I made more of them!  But let’s face it, some nights there just isn’t enough time or enough energy to pull out the healthiest of meals.  Not to mention the times you just want to treat yourself!  
Working on what causes me to overeat is another factor in my diet lifestyle that I’d like to work on and NO plans (that I know of) work on that part with you.  If you’re lucky enough to find a WW meeting that discusses the “real food issues”, you are a lucky one.  Many of the meetings stick to the plan material for the week and recipes.  There are some times that you need to talk about what made you eat that entire tub of ice cream or pack of cookies.  I’ve attended Overeaters Anonymous meetings and read from my step book often, but I found the meetings to be emotionally taxing for me.  I need something a little more lighthearted while dealing with my food issues.  
Thanks for letting me get this all out of my head and I’ll be over here trying to figure all of this out, trying to get my body strong while fighting my food demons.  Wishing everyone on this journey the very best!

Move to Lose More!

The trick? Combine activity with a healthy eating plan.
So as I’m sure you’ve already said to yourself- duh! Everyone knows that. But it really is tricky because we all know it, but we all struggle with it. If we didn’t we wouldn’t need to be attending Weight Watchers meetings or following a weight management program at home. Something to remember is that physical activity isn’t just going to the gym or jogging around the block. Movement is technically “any body movement that increases your energy expenditure.” Any time that you move you are physically active so that means carrying groceries (in one trip if you’re like me), dancing with a friend, walking a 5K. Now if you change what and how you’re eating and match that with an increase of activity- you should see a 20% greater weight loss than changing your diet alone!
“How it helps is that aside from enhancing your wellbeing, boosting your mood, helping your heart health and cutting the risk of certain cancers (among many other benefits) – moving more can spur weight loss! Research shows that when you exercise and make changes to your diet you lose more than if you only did one or the other. Most importantly, being physically active is the single best predictor of who keeps weight off and who doesn’t.

So make your move!”

Source:  Weight Watchers Weekly August 20-26 2017

Sunday Vibes

So I’m still in the recovery stage of having gallbladder surgery. I met with the surgeon for my follow up, he said I’m healing well and I have no dietary restrictions. But I’m land bound for the next four weeks along with no lifting over 10lbs. It came as a setback for me because I really thought I’d be cleared to go swimming while I’m on vacation but I understand the reasoning as to why (I’m healed externally but internally I’m still healing and swimming it soaking could cause a reversal of external healing). I definitely don’t want that! So I’m allowed to go boating and anything else I feel up to. I had planned on trying kayaking for the first time.
Food wise, I’m just learning what works best for my body right now. I learned ice cream and I have to break up (which we were in a dicey relationship before this anyway) and sweets aren’t really my friend either. The doctor tells me that at the six week mark things should all feel back to normal again. I shouldn’t have anymore pain-which isn’t horrible right now, more annoying. It is reminiscent of when I broke my ribs and just had discomfort all day. Night time can be a struggle sometimes. So I’ve been binge watching Netflix in bed at night lol.
I’m trying to stay as active as possible, my goal is to close my calorie burn goal daily on my Apple Watch, along with my stand goal. I’ll wait until September to get back into an exercise routine. Which will be good since the kids will be back in school. I had wanted to do another 5K this summer, but I don’t think that’s a good idea right now. But maybe I can catch one on the fall instead.
I met my goal for simply leaving the house this week. I took a ride to the outlet malls on Tuesday and on Wednesday I took James to a local nature center, then to visit my husband and older son at Boy Scout Camp. This next week will be busy, but my goal is to once again get out of the house and get some sunshine in my life. Nate is going back to sleepover camp next week so it’ll be just James and I again this week.
I’m heading to Weight Watchers this morning for my August weigh in and meeting. Now that I’m on weekly pay, as I mentioned in a prior post, I’ll be switching to going on the first Sunday of every month. I’m hoping that this will take some of the pressure off and break the cycle I was on every week. I may hit one more meeting at the end of August so I can get my attendance charm for the summer promotion, because I’m motivated my bling for my key ring haha.
So to recap my goals for this upcoming week-
1. Stress less and remember that what I’m experiencing is just a temporary setback.
2. Drink 120oz of water daily
3. Continue tracking every day
4. Get out of the house for sometime fun at least 2X
5. Get out for a walk of some sort daily-to start getting some sort of exercise.
Here’s to next week!

6 Things You Can Do At Night to De-Bloat And Promote Weight Loss

Of course nights are great for going on dates, binge-watching Netflix, doing work, chatting on the phone—you name it. But you know what else they’re great for? Setting yourself up for bigger and better weight-loss results. Just follow these tips to get yourself that much closer to your goal weight.

Have a Low-Sodium Dinner
“If you want to wake up feeling less bloated, definitely skip the Chinese dinner,” says Keri Gans, R.D., author of The Small Change Diet. What happens is the salt stays in your system overnight, so you wake up puffier than you normally would. The best option is to cook a healthy meal of steamed veggies and a lean protein—neither of which should be loaded with salt.

Do a Nighttime Workout
You know that sweating can help you drop pounds, but you may think that exercising too close to bedtime can keep you up at night. Luckily, that’s not true; a 2013 survey from the National Sleep Foundation found that active people are 56 to 67 percent more likely to say they usually get a good night’s sleep—no matter what time of day they exercise. Check out thesefour reasons why it’s OK to work out at night.

Pack Your Lunch
The average restaurant meal contains more than twice the number of calories you should be consuming in one sitting, according to a 2013 study—and that’s not even taking into account the lower calorie count you’ll want your lunch to clock in at if you’re trying to drop pounds. But in the a.m. rush, who has time to make lunch? Save yourself from a midday diet-wrecker by prepping your meal the night before. (We love make-ahead mason jar salads in particular.)

Drink Lots of Water
H2O flushes out your system, which helps you get rid of any water you’re retaining. But since you don’t want to be up all night running to the bathroom (and getting quality shuteye is crucial to weight loss), Gans suggests putting a halt to your water chugging one hour before bedtime.

MORE: 10 Ways to Drink More Water

Make Sure Your Bedroom is Super Dark
The hormone melatonin can help your body produce more calorie-burning brown fat, according to an animal study published last year in Journal of Pineal Research. Since your body already produces melatonin when you’re in complete darkness, make sure your room is light-free to boost weight loss.

Turn Down the Thermostat Before Hitting the Hay
The idea of burning more calories while you sleep may sound too good to be true, but a National Institute of Health Clinical Center study found that people who slept in a 66-degree room burned seven percent more calories than people who snoozed at 75 degrees. Seven percent isn’t a ton—but it can’t hurt!

Women’s Health Magazine