Day Ten, Eleven, Twelve & Thirteen

Apparently I’ve been slacking! Whoops, sorry for not posting daily life went ahead and got in the way again. I’ve been doing ok on the cleanse, but if I’m going to be completely honest, I’ve been eating some processed snacks that’s have no business eating-cleanse or not. Processed foods and sugars sure do have a tight hold on me. I’ve been able to give up pasta and bread-so why not the other stuff. It’s frustrating especially when I figured I’d easily drop 20lbs doing this cleanse and that is most definitely not the case. However lately the thought has crossed my mind that I’m simply not eating enough. So today I’ll be tracking my calorie intake, which I haven’t done since starting the cleanse. I’ll also be trying my very hardest not to eat anything on the “no eat” list today. I’ll be going to a family BBQ this afternoon with all the things that will tempt me. So we’ll see how it goes!

Here’s the meals from the past few days:

Day Eight & Nine

Things are still going well on the no carb front for me. I can’t say the same about sugar. I am still craving it in the worst way. I stopped taking Gymena(to help curb the sugar cravings) daily when the cleanse began, I think I need to add that back in and see if that helps. I also felt kinda bloated and crappy after dinner. I was eating cheese for the first time in 9 days. I LOVE cheese, but it seems that cheese no longer loves me. Which is a great thing to know. I probably never noticed before because I was bloated from all the bread I was eating. 

Smoothies have continued to be my staple. Here’s day eight and nine for food-
Breakfast-smoothie & 2 eggs, Lunch- Smoothie, Dinner-spaghetti squash with meat sauce-loaded with portobello mushrooms, tomato and onions
Breakfast-smoothie and eggs, Lunch-Smoothie, Dinner- cauliflower pizza with spinach and goat cheese

Why do I do this to myself?

   
Recently after eating like I was going to the chair I came to the conclusion that I suffer from binge eating.  I spent some time on the web and realized that I had a legitimate problem.  This is what has been standing in my way over this last year of constantly trying to lose weight.  I’ve always been guilty of doing this.  It used to be on weigh in day for Weight Watchers.  I would starve myself the morning of the meeting until I would weigh in, then I would binge eat for the rest of the day, not counting points and just hanging my hat on the fact that I had a whole week to “work it off”.  I somehow ended up being successful with my weight loss pulling this crap the last time.  This time the reality of life and not concentrating that “Free Food” day to one day has kept me at a stagnant weight.  I am close to the heavest I have ever been and from what I’ve been reading, that is not helping my disorder.  
Now please don’t mistake me opening up about this as an excuse for why I can’t lose weight.  Because I want to lose weight and be successful in the worst way.  I want to feel my best and right now I don’t  Every time I look into the mirror I am disgusted at how I let this happen.  Saddened that I keep “closet” eating.  I used to think I could handle anything that came my way, that my shoulders were broad and held the mentality of “it is what it is”.  Truth is I bottle my feelings and it comes out in one of two ways – sheer anger or shoving my face with every yummy treat you could think of.  Funny how we don’t binge eat on stuff like veggies.  I also know that the cards life has delt me over the last six months would have never been the ones I chose.  However I know that everyone has challenges in their life, it’s how they chose to hanldle them, that essentially make you sink or swim.  Honestly until this last week, I thought I was swimming, come to find out I was sinking.
I put this out there to not only “make my secret known”, but I want to share my road to recovery.  I have researched Overeaters Anonymous, there are meetings in my area that I hope to get to.  My home schedule is unforgiving when it comes to me getting out of the house without one or both of my children.  I think I would benefit greatly from going to a face to face meeting, but they do offer web and phone meetings-which is great.
This was hard to put into print and to have my friends know.  But I cannot do this alone.  I’ve tried and been unsuccessful.  Al, my husband, doesn’t understand, but when it comes to anything with mental health he’s at a zero with “getting it”.  I knew I had a problem when I would go out and buy a bunch of crap food, eat it until I felt gross, then throw the rest in the trash to stop myself from continuing the cycle.  It’s embarassing for sure.
So…Here’s to my personal road to success in recovering from this.
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Below is some information on Binge Eating Disorder:

What Is Binge Eating Disorder (B.E.D.)?

A Real Medical Condition

Binge Eating Disorder (B.E.D.) is not just overeating. It is a real medical condition that was formally recognized in 2013. B.E.D. is the most common eating disorder among US adults. So, if you think you might be struggling with the symptoms of B.E.D., know that you are not alone.

B.E.D. can be diagnosed only by a health care provider, and only when specific criteria are met. So be sure to talk with your health care provider about any concerns you may have about your eating.

Binge Eating Disorder Statistics: 
The Most Common Eating Disorder in US Adults

Find Binge Eating Disorder statistics in the U.S. *Based on 12-month prevalence estimates applied to the full U.S. population ≥ 18 years. †Based on estimated 12-month prevalence data in the U.S.

  • B.E.D. affects an estimated 2.8 million adults, according to a national survey.*
  • B.E.D. is more common among adults in the US than anorexia and bulimia combined.
  • B.E.D. affects both women and men. Based on percentage, two times as many women are affected as men in the US.
  • B.E.D. can occur in normal-weight, overweight, or obese adults.
  • B.E.D. occurs at a similar rate across non-Latino white (1.4%), Latino (2.1%), Asian (1.2%), and African American (1.5%) adults in the US.

*Based on 12-month prevalence estimates applied to the full US population ≥ 18 years. 
Based on estimated 12-month prevalence data in the US.


Signs and symptoms of binge eating disorder

People with binge eating disorder are embarrassed and ashamed of their eating habits, so they often try to hide their symptoms and eat in secret. Many binge eaters are overweight or obese, but some are of normal weight.

Behavioral symptoms of binge eating and compulsive overeating

  • Inability to stop eating or control what you’re eating
  • Rapidly eating large amounts of food
  • Eating even when you’re full
  • Hiding or stockpiling food to eat later in secret
  • Eating normally around others, but gorging when you’re alone
  • Eating continuously throughout the day, with no planned mealtimes

Emotional symptoms of binge eating and compulsive overeating

  • Feeling stress or tension that is only relieved by eating
  • Embarrassment over how much you’re eating
  • Feeling numb while bingeing—like you’re not really there or you’re on auto-pilot.
  • Never feeling satisfied, no matter how much you eat
  • Feeling guilty, disgusted, or depressed after overeating
  • Desperation to control weight and eating habits

Ask yourself the following questions. The more “yes” answers, the more likely it is that you have binge eating disorder.

  • Do you feel out of control when you’re eating?
  • Do you think about food all the time?
  • Do you eat in secret?
  • Do you eat until you feel sick?
  • Do you eat to escape from worries, relieve stress, or to comfort yourself?
  • Do you feel disgusted or ashamed after eating?
  • Do you feel powerless to stop eating, even though you want to?

Week Nine… STOP! Reset!

Well. What can I say about week nine? I got in my own way and gave into all my vices. Yesterday was the worst. I got my mind together and reminded myself that I’m only hurting myself by eating that way. So the promise I’ve made to myself is that this week, I will do the very best I can and work on self control. There are always going to be temptations and it’s learning to not avoid them, but to just have one donut or one slice of pizza. When you lose control, that’s where you spiral. The donut screw up in the morning doesn’t have to lead you to 3 slices of pizza and more donuts later. 
This week will be amazing. 

Week Eight


Closing out week eight, I wish I had done a better job, but when I look at the snapshot of my week on food I can see why I didn’t do better. I really need to do better on fruits and vegetables.  It’s no secret that I don’t like vegetables. So I need to find ways to sneak them into my daily diet (I know, like you would a child). I have to believe that if I made better food choices thru the week matched with the activity points I earned I would have easily lost more weight. It’s time to get out of my own way and get serious. 
I’ll need all the support that your willing to give!
Here’s to a successful week.