Back Again? Maybe?

I’m back, I think. I don’t even know for sure. I think I’d like to be. It seems like a recap on what’s new since my last post would be in order to start, right?

In the early fall we took some family day trips to get out of the house and enjoy the fall air. My kids both continued remote learning (our choice) so it was nice to get them out of the house to do something!

Around mid October I began walking with a neighbor (turned friend) every morning at 4:30am. I figured it get’s me up and out bright and early – allowing me to have some quiet time when I get back because everyone is sleeping. Me only time is nearly non-existent with COVID, the boys being here and my niece living with us. Someone is always around! Yes I know it could be worse, but I miss my quiet time – blame it on being an only child. I signed up for some more YESFIT Challenges and completed a few since I began.

For 2021, I’m participating in YESFIT’s The Great American Adventure where you see how many mile you can wrack up over the year. Which I thought was a fun idea. They sent a cute t-shirt and water bottle to get you motivated – the tee is a little tight right now…sigh. Below are my January & February mileage totals. Not too bad considering its winter in New England! We’ve never skipped a weekday walk – some days doing a double when we knew we’d face weather issues. We’ve dealt with sub zero temperatures, unexpected snow fall totals or active snow, serious icing and insane winds. We laughed our way through and chalked it up to pure craziness. We’re impatiently waiting on milder temperatures to walk in again! Humidity even sounds awesome right about now.

I guess we’ll shift to my weight loss journey…which has been a weight gain journey instead. I am at an all time high right now of about 234. My body hates it and my mind hates it more. I know I’ve been coping with a lot of stress and eating has been my go to during this whole time. With my niece preparing for her deployment to Basic Training and her needing to lose weight to make sure they take her – it was an absolute mind f*&% for me. Watching the crazy extremes she was taking to make weight during the months of January and February especially my weight kept creeping in the other direction. I couldn’t focus on my own stuff because watching hers was killing me inside. I didn’t know how to tell her that either, so I just tried my hardest to mind my business and just listen when I saw all the crazy diet hacks she was doing. I mean I get it, I guess, she needed to make weigh or she couldn’t deploy. But for someone who is struggling with their own weight, who is 20+ years older – I honestly gave up. Depression really started to settle in during November through now. I’ve been battling to keep it at bay, I know the tools but they aren’t working the way I’d like them to. I also added panic attacks to my arsenal of awesome. That’s a blast.

She left for her deployment (by the grace she made weight) on February 23rd. She’s gone for about 26 weeks between BCT and AIT. With all the crazy diet stuff on the road with her – I only have my own demons to deal with right? On March 1st, I decided to try again. Stick to walking every morning and focus on my nutrition. They say that 80% is the kitchen right? So I feel like even if I workout like a crazy person, but don’t have my eating under control – it won’t matter. I love snacking and not on good for you things. Back in January I went to see a hypnotist to see if that would help me get on track. It helped for about a week then I slipped right back into my bad habits. Maybe I wasn’t ready, maybe I needed more visits, or it could be a little of both. I may try again or just switch back to faking it til I make it. Sometimes that’s what you need to do until you convince yourself you can do it.

Here’s what I’m committing to for the month of March. I’d like my jeans to fit again – you know in case I’d like to switch up out of leggings every now and again. I’ve considered getting a trainer for a month or so to help me get back on track too. I’ve been not so subtlety dropping hints that I’d like a treadmill too. Where I live – walking alone at night isn’t the best choice, so this would allow me to walk twice a day if I want or on the weekends when we typically don’t walk.

Thanks for letting me blab. Hope to be back again soon. Thanks fir sticking with me during the radio silence.

2 thoughts on “Back Again? Maybe?

  1. Lee says:

    This is awesome, I am so glad to see you (read) back again. Although you may not realize it but your ups and downs are all part of the process. You have inspired myself to get back on track with my weight loss journey. We all struggle with losing weight and it seems like we’re all alone and that’s why it’s so refreshing to read your blogs. It’s a reminder to us all that we’re not alone and not the only ones who deal with these issues. Welcome back and know that you got this!

    Like

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