Week Two – 2021 Reset

I’m shocked. For real. I mean this is why I went back to Lori , but didn’t have enough belief in myself and my body that it would actually happen. Y’all. I lost 9 pounds last week.

N I N E P O U N D S !!

I did my best to follow plan. I did fairly well until Wednesday. On Tuesday night I had something weird, stressful happen – where a neighbor came over and basically had a mental episode on my doorstep where I needed to call the police. It was scary and I had residual anxiety the next day. So I ate a bunch of pizza rolls – why not stifle that anxiety with pizza rolls. Then I ate them again the next day too. If I think about it now, maybe I was trying to sabotage myself. Fear of success maybe? I was blown away when I arrived at my appointment and did my weigh in. I would have never have believed in myself enough to think it was possible.

Some things I noticed over this past week – I’m feeling less bloated and not overstuffed after eating. Sugar is still a daily battle and I’ve had a few slip ups there too, but I figure it’s week one and I still have a long way to go. It’s a struggle to say no to dessert every night, while my whole family chows down on ice cream – but I haven’t caved yet. I even swapped my pasta for zucchini last night while they had stuffed shells, I made zucchini roll ups instead. (Only having 2 shells of theirs).

I have my next check-in set up for this Friday. Fortunately Easter dinner isn’t a worry for me when it comes to overeating. I actually don’t like anything that gets served for dinner. I’m not a huge ham fan – so having a small portion is easy. I’m bringing a carrot dish to share, so I can focus on that. As far as dessert – I’ve gone this far taking a pass, what’s one more “no thanks”? I really want to hit my personal goal of being lean and healthy.

During my appointment my nutritionist had me set an actual weight goal-even though I really didn’t want to. I don’t want to get fixated on a number. Instead I really want to go with how I feel I look. I want to have visible arm muscles and trim off the arms that wave back at me. We agreed upon 180 as my goal weight. She asked if I thought it was attainable and I said yes, Back when I lost all my weight with Weight Watchers after having my first son – I got down to 160. I had no muscles to speak of and I struggled to stay that weight for weigh-ins. My body wanted to creep back up to 165-170 every time. I would really have to starve myself to make weight for lifetime. I don’t want to do that again. I have my annual physical in about 6 weeks and I’d love to roll in there at a healthier weight than I was last year.

Sorry I was late in writing this, the weekend got away from me. I’ll report back this Friday after my appointment!

Week Two – 2021 Reset

I sure did. After a friend mentioned a nutrition program she was doing, I did some shopping around and circled back to a nutritionist that I saw many years ago. She’s the realist of the real and that’s what I need. I need someone that’s in the know – to look at what I’m eating and fix it so I can lose weight. She fits in my budget so that helps too, there’s so many programs that don’t. I’m giving it my all and staying focused. I took my measurements and she weighed me and took my body fat/BMI. I took some before photos, but I’ll hold onto those for a while lol.

Today is day three of eating differently, my body is detoxing from all the extra sugar I was consuming. I’ve been having headaches and mood swings. I know it’ll take a few weeks to feel 100% but I’m in it for the long haul. I’m not trying to add diabetes to something I have to deal with too. If I kept eating the way I was I’m sure I’d be on my way to diabetes. No thanks – if I can avoid it.

I’ve also stopped weighing myself every morning. I figured that part of this process is to trust my nutritionist- so I won’t step on the scale again until I walk into her office on the 26th (next Friday). When she gave me my worksheet she wrote my projected weight loss to be 6-9 pounds. I’d be beside myself.

For exercise she added a full body weighted workout for me to do 3x a week in addition to the walking I already do each morning.

So I’ll be excited to report back to you next week on how things went and see if there’s any changes.

Week One of being back…

How’s it going?

Slow?

Not at all?

Kind of feels like it. I’ve been trying to cut out sugar – because I’m addicted. It’s hard. But I’m trying. I’ve done slightly better on my water intake and doing my best to not overeat. Making healthier choices. I’ve been tracking most of my meals to stay accountable.

I want this so badly. I really do. I’m sure I’m standing in my own way, but I also don’t know what I’m doing wrong that’s stopping any weight loss. I ordered one of those Everlywell kits for Metabolism. I figured it’s worth a shot to see if that gives me any new information. I’m not scheduled until May for my annual well visit, maybe it will give me information to give her. I’d love for there to be a good reason that I’m not losing weight other than it just being that I’m doing something wrong. I’m feeling slightly desperate over here! I ordered some new vitamins that I’m also hoping will support a healthy lifestyle.

As I circle back out of the pity party …

I’m just going to keep trying, keep tracking, keep drinking water. I’ll continue on with my morning walks and walking again in the afternoons to pick up Nate from the bus stop. I’ll check in again next week! Wish me luck!

4:30a walks

Back Again? Maybe?

I’m back, I think. I don’t even know for sure. I think I’d like to be. It seems like a recap on what’s new since my last post would be in order to start, right?

In the early fall we took some family day trips to get out of the house and enjoy the fall air. My kids both continued remote learning (our choice) so it was nice to get them out of the house to do something!

Around mid October I began walking with a neighbor (turned friend) every morning at 4:30am. I figured it get’s me up and out bright and early – allowing me to have some quiet time when I get back because everyone is sleeping. Me only time is nearly non-existent with COVID, the boys being here and my niece living with us. Someone is always around! Yes I know it could be worse, but I miss my quiet time – blame it on being an only child. I signed up for some more YESFIT Challenges and completed a few since I began.

For 2021, I’m participating in YESFIT’s The Great American Adventure where you see how many mile you can wrack up over the year. Which I thought was a fun idea. They sent a cute t-shirt and water bottle to get you motivated – the tee is a little tight right now…sigh. Below are my January & February mileage totals. Not too bad considering its winter in New England! We’ve never skipped a weekday walk – some days doing a double when we knew we’d face weather issues. We’ve dealt with sub zero temperatures, unexpected snow fall totals or active snow, serious icing and insane winds. We laughed our way through and chalked it up to pure craziness. We’re impatiently waiting on milder temperatures to walk in again! Humidity even sounds awesome right about now.

I guess we’ll shift to my weight loss journey…which has been a weight gain journey instead. I am at an all time high right now of about 234. My body hates it and my mind hates it more. I know I’ve been coping with a lot of stress and eating has been my go to during this whole time. With my niece preparing for her deployment to Basic Training and her needing to lose weight to make sure they take her – it was an absolute mind f*&% for me. Watching the crazy extremes she was taking to make weight during the months of January and February especially my weight kept creeping in the other direction. I couldn’t focus on my own stuff because watching hers was killing me inside. I didn’t know how to tell her that either, so I just tried my hardest to mind my business and just listen when I saw all the crazy diet hacks she was doing. I mean I get it, I guess, she needed to make weigh or she couldn’t deploy. But for someone who is struggling with their own weight, who is 20+ years older – I honestly gave up. Depression really started to settle in during November through now. I’ve been battling to keep it at bay, I know the tools but they aren’t working the way I’d like them to. I also added panic attacks to my arsenal of awesome. That’s a blast.

She left for her deployment (by the grace she made weight) on February 23rd. She’s gone for about 26 weeks between BCT and AIT. With all the crazy diet stuff on the road with her – I only have my own demons to deal with right? On March 1st, I decided to try again. Stick to walking every morning and focus on my nutrition. They say that 80% is the kitchen right? So I feel like even if I workout like a crazy person, but don’t have my eating under control – it won’t matter. I love snacking and not on good for you things. Back in January I went to see a hypnotist to see if that would help me get on track. It helped for about a week then I slipped right back into my bad habits. Maybe I wasn’t ready, maybe I needed more visits, or it could be a little of both. I may try again or just switch back to faking it til I make it. Sometimes that’s what you need to do until you convince yourself you can do it.

Here’s what I’m committing to for the month of March. I’d like my jeans to fit again – you know in case I’d like to switch up out of leggings every now and again. I’ve considered getting a trainer for a month or so to help me get back on track too. I’ve been not so subtlety dropping hints that I’d like a treadmill too. Where I live – walking alone at night isn’t the best choice, so this would allow me to walk twice a day if I want or on the weekends when we typically don’t walk.

Thanks for letting me blab. Hope to be back again soon. Thanks fir sticking with me during the radio silence.

Progress Report

Y’all. I felt so much better after spilling my guts to you the other day. Seriously. Thank you to everyone that checked in with me too. It meant a lot.

On Saturday my husband pretty much forced me out of the house to go take a walk. We went to one of my favorite places, Bluff Point in Groton, CT. As much anxiety I had about going to the state park, it wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. We went much later in the afternoon so I’m sure that helped a little. The views are amazing and it made my soul heal a little seeing the ocean, feeling the sun and smelling the air.

I added a little over three miles to my September race and that felt good too! Totally making that goal this month.

We took in the sunset as we finished up our walk. Then found a local pizza place and shared a pizza in the van – since eating in a restaurant is super restrictive and really weird. Then we treated ourselves to some Friendlys ice cream before heading home. Taking the long way home and being out of the house for no other reason than to take a walk and a ride was really nice.

During the ride I also made a deal with myself. No more fucking around. I need to get real with trying to lose weight and stop feeling bad about myself. So many of you have heard me say this a million times before but I’ve upped the ante for myself this time. WHEN I lose 20ish pounds and get to 199- I need to hold or go below for two weeks – then I will add another tattoo to my right arm – starting my sleeve. That’s something I REALLY want so I’m going to push to make it happen. So I’m starting in the morning. I’m working on some meal planning and shopping lists to get me going. I’m excited mainly because I want to get that tattoo AND my husband gave me zero shit when I said that was what I wanted to reward myself with.

I’ll check in again soon. I’m excited. I’m gonna do this. Better start figuring out what flowers I want to add to my arm!